At work.. in A Day in the Life of Me

Back to it today.
Bit of a lull this morning, so instead of reading gossip trash on line, I’m making an entry here on my phone…
Was feeling better yesterday, but think I may have gotten a bit to enthusiastic and over did myself with going for coffee/small errands run with D, (who now has what I do…) And some household chores, and also not a good nights rest…

Think my massive break down last night for damn near an hour didn’t help either.
Was trying to get an outfit together for today, as I do every night before bed on a work night, nothing fits.... None of the nice, dressy tops that I’ve gotten over the time I worked at Ricki’s fit any more… There’s maybe 2 out of a dozen… Most of my dresses including my favorite maxi button down dress from Banana Republic that, even in sale, I spent more than I normally would on a dress, do not fit..
I cracked. I sat on the bed and cried for like 15 min…then D came in, found me in a rage trying on more stuff I knew wouldn’t fit, and when he tried to soothe my rage, I broke again and cried for at least another 10 min if not more…
And when I finally stopped crying.. I just sat on the bed semi naked and stared at what was left hanging there dress-wise that I knew wouldn’t fit, or was winter tops/dresses…
I’ve been trying so hard.. trying to watch what I eat, alter my habits, hit the gym at least 3 times a week, drink more water, and I feel like I’ve gone backwards instead of forwards…
He insisted I don’t get rid of any of them, he says he knows I’ll get back into them… So for now, there in a different spot of my closest, folded up and semi out of site....

The self loathing is harsh today.

All started basically because I was showing him WHY I can’t wait to get the weight off for my boobs to shrink so I can wear my button up tops that currently can’t be worn due to danger of flying buttons/ gaping holes between said buttons....