Attending: 1 in Adventures in paradise

A few weeks ago, my sister sent a facebook message to me and my two brothers mentioning my nephew's (her son's) 21st birthday is coming up. Yes, I have a NEPHEW who is soon to be 21. My. God. ^Gets gun from bathroom drawer whilst looking at crow's feet in the mirror^

I shouldn't joke about guns, with all that's ONCE AGAIN going on in the USA to do with them. Geesh. But hey, I can't really protest against the 2nd amendment can I, since it seems to be such a proud right to have over there and all. If John Howard did one good thing as Prime Minister here, it was introduce Australia's gun laws.

But anyway, where was I? Yes my nephew's birthday. Initially I just looked at the message and mulled it over in my mind for a few days about what I wanted to do. I'm not particularly close with that nephew (and I have three of them now, one to each sibling), and then I'd also have to see my dad for the first time in around a year also if I were to attend. And we all know how well THAT will go down in a crowded restaurant. Not that he would start anything in a public place, as he's too cowardly to bring up anything remotely close to mentioning that he has an evil Satan-istic gay son, at least not whilst a crowd is around. And family at that. Although, according my my mother, my surviving grandmother won't be attending, as she 'doesn't leave the house at night-time anymore.' - wow, I know she may be 83 or whatever but I would hate to be afraid to leave my house at night-time even when I get to that age (hopefully lol). But the thing is, she's the ONLY person in my entire family network who doesn't know I'm gay, and the only reason for that was my parents wishes. I couldn't really care less. I remember around 5 years ago, as I was leaving her house, she says to me, "I suppose the next time I see you will be at your wedding," which was a dig at me because I barely ever visit her. I simply replied as I walked out her front door, "Yeah... when it's legal." I doubt the old bat would have even have clued on.

She's alright though. She's always been lovely and welcoming to all her grandchildren. I remember many a night staying the night at her place in the spare room as a child, saying my prayers before bed (LOL) and getting tucked in. And I can't totally hate my dad either. If it wasn't for those two people, I wouldn't even be on this Earth today.
I just hate the situation. The situation that will never change because my father is too stubborn to realize that 12 years after coming out, that this isn't just a "phase" like the deluded man thinks it still is ^rolls eyes^

The thing that sucks is I kinda wish I had a boyfriend, if anything to just shove in his face and make him SEE this is reality and not some game I've been playing since the Nintendo-64 days ^rolls eyes again^

So, you've probably guessed by the way I've been writing means I have decided to attend. I've decided to be the better man and not let my dad ruin seeing my sister and the rest of the family. I haven't decided if I'm going to completely give dad the cold shoulder or not yet however. I mean, I can easily fake a conversation with him if I have to, even if in my mind I want to smack him over the head with the hardcover-bible he stands so tall on.

I have no idea what the hell to get my nephew for a present! I barely even know the kid, and he's not even a kid anymore haha! I do know he studies neuroscience, so he's a smart one! Do I just get him a Rubix-Cube or an Algebra book or something? :P

It'll be good to see my family as well, but I can't really talk about the gay-side of my life with anyone in my family. Mum makes a bit of an effort, but she's more fascinated when she comes across another gay person in her life. I still remember her pulling me aside at Christmas lunch one year to ask me if Lukas (RIP man) was gay lol. She loves her gossip that woman. Wheras dad has obviously been sliding it under that very un-vacuumed rug for years.

So both my sister and my mum are very happy that I've decided to come. I don't want to be even more of an outcast child than I already feel like, and as uncomfortable as I always have been, and know I will be at that dinner table, I figure it will only be for a few hours at most, and I'm sure I can handle that. Mother will want me to go out to the farm and stay the night, but I won't. I've decided I'm going to hire a car and just come back home after the dinner. I did consider booking a hotel in Toowoomba for the night, but it's probably not financially responsible for me to do so right now, and I'll only have to car for the one day, as I've only applied for annual leave for that Friday night, but not the Saturday. Probably deliberately. My sister has asked for numbers next week. I'm going to sound lame as fuck saying, 'errrm, just the 1' lol! I really need to get a lover haha. I would absolutely looooove to look my father in the eye and say to him, "Dad, meet my partner, _" I can just picture the crucifix's emerge magically from his pocket. I joke to Vish all the time that if he ever meets my parents that they'll have a heart-attack. It wouldn't surprise me.

My mum does however want me to take another day off in August. She wants me to attend to clearing sale, which is happening mid-month. I actually think that could be pretty exciting. I have no idea how much they've sold the farm for itself, but seeing how much all the machinery and whatever else sells for would be pretty cool. And mum says it'll be the end of an era, which it will be. I spent most of my childhood on those 2500 acres growing up, and it'll probably be emotional, even for me, to say my final goodbye to that land I'll be standing on. I have no idea how my parents are going to go, moving to town, especially dad. He's been a farm guy since birth. I'm sure they'll probably just road-trip around Australia heaps again, as they always seem to do anyway.

Next Friday, I'll pick up the car, drive out to Toowoomba to the restaurant, hopefully think of a present for my nephew before then, eat, make some small-talk, jump in the rental car and head home. I've done quite a lot more hours these past few weeks, so it should be manageable, plus work covers my car insurance, which is a handy perk. My nieces will be glad to see me though. I do like those girls. They apparently told my ex-sister-in-law that they were bored shitless one Christmas until I arrived! LOL! Awwww, I was quite chuffed to hear that. I do wonder if one of them will want to have a talk with me, given that message she sent me. I won't elaborate on that, at least not in a public entry, but some of you will know what I'm talking about.

And I haven't been to Toowoomba in forever either, even if it is only for a few hours during the night. This is something to look forward to I guess. Wait and see.