Regret in Magma

Everyday I wake up I come face to face with the end results of my errors. I hurt my wife, my kids and friends.

My friend whom I involved myself with albeit from long distance and for almost 20 years, we can't have contact. I hate this fact, I could've not involved her but instead moved in a path which involved her with a married man. There were many a time when we both acknowledged that this wouldn't end well. Many times in my heart I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn't turn back.

Now look what I have, a lost friendship. I can't ask forgiveness because you can't forgive thieves and theft is the only thing I can describe what I did to our friendship. We could talk for hours, engage in deep conversation and pick it up months later without a skip of a beat.

I can't lie and say my feelings are gone, they won't ever be. I know what I feel for her but like all things I've got to keep my mouth shut and not reach out because she deserves to have a real life not this suspended in time shit while waiting for me to find "time".

At this point all I can do is silently wish her well as she embarks on her journey beyond this catastrophe. I want the best for her, I always have. I can't cage her in false hope or promises that will just crumble. I just wish it didn't have to end so horribly.