Holidays make me sad. in Since OD is shutting down....

I have talked to BD a couple of times and I’m still going to stand firm on my child not seeing him. He’s still all about himself and doing what he can to have a good image for himself. He was trying to get it to where he came and picked her up and I wasn’t to know where she would be. I told him that no parent would be okay without knowing where their child was. He gave me his address and wanted her for the weekend. I think it’s funny how he hasn’t seen her in 10 months but now because of Father’s Day, it’s a big deal for him to see her.

He’s scrounging off some woman and wants to look good for her. I know that my daughter would go over there one fucking time so he could take pictures and show her off and then not care to see her again for a good amount of time. He truly doesn’t care the damage for our child and that’s why I’m just not allowing it. He made sure to tell me that there is nothing I could do in this lifetime or the next for his family to like me and then I asked why he feels I would be comfortable letting my daughter be around people who don’t like me and then I get to wonder if she’s being mistreated.

I’m just really tired of him not admitting fault to anything and going out of his way to make sure I’m told how much I’m hated. It’s also bullshit that he’s never watched her by himself and always needs an audience. I used to let him come see her where I still was the one taking care of her and then as soon as I’d ask him to take her or watch her, he wouldn’t because he already got what he needed so I’ve always been on my own. It’s always been his selfishness over everything. He’s used his child to look good and anytime he’s seen her, it’s never been to actually be a Dad to her.

There’s always been a motive for him wanting to see her. I also like how he’s said that he didn’t get to see her because he wasn’t paying and that was just so he could have special rights and no responsibilities. Him seeing her has never been for her benefit.

I am so angry that nothing has changed in the past 5 years and I’ll continue to be a single Mom. He still says that I’ve kept her from him and I reminded him that after years of begging for his involvement, I’m allowed to just give up. I also don’t feel comfortable with him seeing her unless he’s paying child support or getting enrolled with his tribe because otherwise there’s no incentive if I just keep letting him see her without any contribution from him.

He’s never going to get a job or even consider getting enrolled or be an active Dad to her if I keep allowing him to do what he’s doing. It’s enough that he keeps finding free places to live and doesn’t have to pay rent or utilities but I’ll be damned if I’m going to accept the bare ass minimum anymore. I’ve done a lot of thinking in the past 10 months and I know that I will not help him put my daughter through any more crap. He’s never going to change. It’s still the same broken promises and crap chute it’s always been.