Day went fast. in Since OD is shutting down....

We were home all day until we ran to the gas station and that took 5 minutes. It’s crazy how fast today went. It makes me realize the whole Summer is gonna go fast and I just want to enjoy it and be carefree because once school starts, it’s time to figure out life.

It’s been really nice just being at home, cleaning up the house, making food and just enjoying life. I feel like I have a whole new appreciation for my life, and just being at home after what I dealt with for 2 days. I’m glad we weren’t there any longer than that because I was ready to be back at home in my own space with my cats and my kid.

I went out with my brother and his girlfriend last weekend and they definitely made me think about some stuff. I like hearing other perspectives on my situation but it’s not going to change my mind about letting BD pop in when he deems fit because my daughter is already so used to not seeing or being around him and I just feel that allowing it now with her age would be extremely detrimental to her emotional well being. She is almost 5 and I feel that she is just too emotionally vulnerable.

I get what they mean about how she doesn’t know he only comes around to get pictures and check up on me but allowing someone who’s done nothing but talk about signing over his rights and his refusal to be an active, consistent person in her life to just drop in whenever isn’t the answer. I just don’t feel that it’s holding him accountable at all. He’s going to keep doing the same shit because I’m allowing it. He wants special rights and no responsibilities and to be completely free but see her to make himself look good to whoever is in his life at my daughter’s emotional expense.

It’s safe to assume that I’m in a really good place with how I see all of this because I am not bitter. I’m glad that he has a girlfriend and hope this one sticks. Maybe she’ll help him get a job and he’ll be a functioning human.

My daughter and I went and got breakfast this morning and then had to get my oil changed because the car was letting me know every time I turned it on that it was due. Picked up a few things at the store and then came home. It’s been very rainy here everyday and my daughter is wanting to get to the park but the weather just hasn’t allowed it. We just had a storm and it almost seemed like it was going to hail.

We’ve been home for a little over a week now and I’m still super glad to be back. I’m definitely starting to feel the boredom kick in but we are doing okay keeping busy. I’m back in the motions of just cooking and cleaning. I don’t have any appointments this week but I do next week but I’m able to take my kid with so that’s good I won’t have to worry about a babysitter. I have counseling on the 17th and I don’t want to bring her so I’m hoping my Mom will be able to watch her for about an hour an half and my Dad not plan to be around.

I’ve decided that should he try and be around my daughter again that I’m going to have be extremely straight forward with him and let him know that he’s not to be. The dumb card is getting old and even with me telling my Mom that she’s made allegations at school, I still don’t think he’s getting it. I understand how much he’s gotten away with and it’s time for him to be held accountable, even if it just means he can’t be around my child.

My Mom is still battling her depression and different mental disorders but I think my Dad is so overbearing and selfish that it bring her down a lot more than she realizes. I couldn’t imagine someone driving me around in my car, listening to every phone conversation I have, making sure all my money is gone and controlling my every move and try to be happy. She has my sympathy but it’s also fading quite a bit.

I just don’t have enough patience to deal with what she does and that’s why I just stay single. I can’t stand feeling like I have no say in anything. I feel like that pretty much anytime my daughter and I are around other people and that’s why I like to just be at home.