Do you keep in touch with old co-workers? in My life

Like, what if you really like them?

Anyway. I want to be successful. Why am I not successful? What am I doing wrong with my life?

Google “Why am I not successful?”

I feel like whatever I do, there will always be mistakes and regrets anyway, so why bother, seriously? Just keep going, alright? Take myself less seriously.

Or maybe… I’m just not passionate about the law? I don’t know. I just picked law because I scored well on the LSAT and had an opportunity to obtain a JD for free.

I guess I’ve always been jealous of people in the sciences. I wish I could get into science. I was just so discouraged by my parents, who told me I had no gift or talent for math and science.

If there’s a opportunity, will I take it? Maybe I should study another science degree and at least I can become a patent lawyer?

Another thing is I’m just sick of school Sick of it. I just want to work and make money. And I’m getting married and probably becoming a mom soon. I just don’t have time.

But what if, despite it all, I try out this thing? I don’t know, I really don’t know. This is all so stupid. Maybe, I want to get through 3L year somehow. Then I want to get whatever undemanding job, so I can focus my time on my baby. And then, I want to slowly work on an online science degree (there is an MS in Electrical Engineering on Coursera that has no admission requirement), and then I want to take the patent bar and begin working in patent.

Nah I don’t know if I’m passionate enough about patent law, or if I have an engineering degree I might as well just become an engineer.

Truth is, I don’t know. I don’t feel at all talented or smart. I just feel disappointed. But then, I’m falling to the same trap that my parents had me fall into when I was younger— or it wasn’t them at all. It was my own cowardice.

I don’t know what I’m passionate about. I really don’t. I want to be successful, and yet I don’t even know what I want to do. The Big Law ship has sailed, so now I’m left with just… I don’t know what options of success there are.

I so want to be successful. I know that wanting isn’t enough. I have to do things too. So it’s all on me. I am to blame.

Still, I think my mom, when I was younger, liked to keep me ugly and stupid and useless and helpless for whatever reason. I’m still recovering from that. Plus I’m an immigrant with no support so things are supposed to take longer for me.

No silver lining. None at all. None for me. Only disappointment. One after another.