Worst 2 days of my life. in Since OD is shutting down....

I want to start out by saying that everything that happened between Friday and last night is completely my fault because I chose to go against everything I felt and give people a chance that didn’t deserve it.

My friend wanted me to come visit a couple of months ago and I didn’t because every time I have, it ends with me leaving pissed off and the last time we didn’t speak for over a year. This is the first time I went to visit in about 2 years and I truly had it in my head that I wasn’t going to let things go bad and just hope that he’s changed at least somewhat.

He’d gotten evicted due to being a controlling bitch and then got a 30 day notice to vacate so he spent 10 days finding a house and is moving. He’d asked me to come down and help and I wanted to because I wanted to hang out with him, meet his boyfriend, have some fun and just help pack and move them into their new house.

I got all our stuff packed and made the preparations to drive down there. We got there Friday afternoon and he’d promised to help with gas money since I was coming to help them move. Well, we pull into town and we aren’t there for more than 10 minutes when he informs me that I’ll get the money before we leave and that was supposed to be either Tuesday or Wednesday so I’m immediately regretting the decision to come because I felt like I’m just trapped until then and I didn’t want to be there for that long.

Well, Friday night we had a few drinks and hung out in his garage just laughing and listening to music. Saturday afternoon he’d went to the store with his boyfriend so I decided to start cleaning up his kitchen and sweeping. I had apparently threw away a little plastic shot glass that had meant something to him so he gets back and decides to empty the bag of garbage on the floor in front of everyone and snapping at me in front of like 6 people. I immediately feel triggered once he dumped the bag of garbage out and decided to grab our stuff and leave because I didn’t want things to possibly escilate. Well, my daughter and I get in the car and she starts crying because she still wanted to play with his daughter and I called his friend that lives just down the street and tell her what happened.

She was cool with us staying overnight at her house where we just had a couple of beers and just kinda talked about our friend. She said he’s done this shit to her to where he’s a bully and wants to find ways to hold people hostage. I liked her but I didn’t want to stay at her house for different reasons and by yesterday I was sick of her and being around 7 kids. We had taken a nap and I decided to say that my blood sugar was high and if I stay, I’m going to have to go to the ER where they could keep me for several days to get it stabilized.

So she basically talked him into giving me the money that was promised so I could go. I guess he had told her that I was just being ‘drama’ because God forbid he was going to take any responsibility for anything that happened. But yeah so we go over there to his house so I can grab my daughter’s shorts and my brand new shampoo and conditioner because I wasn’t about to leave my expensive ass shit behind.

I’m just so happy to be home and put all this behind me. It’s just crazy how mean people can get when things don’t go there way and how there was no regard for my child. I’m pissed that I had to drive all night and finally got home at 2:30 this morning. I just felt like I couldn’t move fast enough to grab our shit, get my kid in the car and leave. I honestly felt scared that if I would have taken too long to leave that she was going to either put her hands on me or fuck up my car so that we couldn’t leave. I still feel the same way today and I can’t ever put us in this kind of predicament again.

It’s frustrating how people are all for themselves and don’t care if they lose a friend or how they make you feel. I can say that I’ll never forget any of this and it makes me realize that I really need to work on myself. I used to be an extremely aggressive person that didn’t take shit from anyone and now because my daughter is watching me, I feel like I’m not able to react in the way I probably should because people have taken advantage of me being so laid back. It’s definitely been at their advantage.

I am angry within myself that I KNEW better than to go there and I take full responsibility for what happened because I shouldn’t have been there in the first fucking place. I feel bad that this crap went on in front of my daughter. I’m angry that I let people bully me and scare the shit out of me. Like this whole experience was horrific and I feel like I need some counseling to help me process everything that happened and find a way to make peace with it.

These kind of things are the reason I stay pretty closed off and just stick to myself. I don’t want to have friends that would ever treat me like this and leave me feeling scared. I think of myself as a pretty good person and I just try to be there for others but it’s like I didn’t do one thing that someone wanted and they completely switched up on me. As soon as she didn’t get her way she said something about how she wonders what I did for things to end up like they did. I didn’t even know what to say to that so I just calmly grabbed our stuff and made my way to my car.

I also think it’s crap that people have this mindset that if you hang out with them or even stay overnight at their house, that you just owe them. There is no such thing as people doing anything out of the goodness of their heart. No she had her own agenda and once I wasn’t cooperating, her entire personality changed. I’m pissed that the friend I actually went to see was the reason I had to stay overnight at her house when I never wanted to fucking be there. I get her side on how that would probably suck that me and 2 kid bombed in on her house and it sucked on my end because I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask to take a shower and sat around for hours hungry as shit waiting for her to make something to eat. I didn’t go get something to eat because then I would have had to take everyone’s kids with and I didn’t have the money to feed them all.

This whole situation was completely out of control and I plan to never be more than like an hour away from home ever again. I was completely at their mercy and I had no say in anything that was going on around me. I was just annoyed that I had to go along with whatever they wanted to do, eat whatever they decided, listen to their music, and put up with everyone’s kids the whole time. I love kids and all but I didn’t have a moment by myself the entire time.

I’m still reeling from how scared I felt. It was so weird how she was helping me understand where our friend was coming from, asked me not to be upset with them and let’s just squash it and then turns around and ended up a bully too. I’m glad that I didn’t let myself get bullied and just left. I’m a human being and if I decided I’m not going to do what you want, that’s okay. I shouldn’t be made to feel like someone is going to physically harm me or do something to my car because they weren’t getting their way. I remember how she started getting mean and a rude and the fear hit me. I felt paralyzed standing up to go in her house to grab our clothes and towels. I could hardly move and thought I may fall down and I couldn’t leave fast enough.

This world is filled with a lot of people that are evil but put on a really good act when they are just out to get whatever for themselves. I don’t think ‘friends’ are really friends. It seems like if you want relationships with other people, it’s contingent on what you are willing to do for them.

I also was annoyed that he decided that I would be there until Wednesday or Thursday. Well, that would have been like 6 days and I just can’t sleep for shit at someone else’s house and I don’t care to be around anyone for that long and get no break. I’m an introvert and I enjoy my me time. I know that my daughter had fun playing with their kids but I could tell she was overloaded with constantly playing and not getting a minute to just relax and watch tv. It’s a lot to take in for both of us when we have gone and it’s a pretty far drive from where we live so I wouldn’t mind staying like 3 days but after that, my social battery runs out and I can feel myself getting annoyed with everyone.

It’s going to take me a really long time to move past all of this but once I do, I know that I will still never plan to be in contact with either one of them ever again. I understand that with friends and family you are going to have falling outs and not always get along but after so much shit happens you have to start to reflect on yourself and why you allow people to shit on you. I ain’t no saint myself and I’ve done plenty but I’ve also grown a lot and am aware of how I treat others. I just can’t stand anyone making me feel like I’m being stripped of my basic human rights and I hope to God I myself have never made anyone feel like I’ve been made to feel.

All I know is after all the shit this person has put me through, this has to be it. I’m forgiving but I’m not going to forget. I’m only human and have my limits and I think with these 2 people, my limits have been reached. My Mom thought it was bullshit that they didn’t even bother to text me when I left. Well, no they didn’t care enough to do that because they got what they wanted from me and I had made them mad. My daughter and I were absolutely filthy like we hadn’t bathed in like a month, didn’t have dinner and I had slept about 6 hours in the couple days we were there and then drove 6 hours to get home. The weather was scary and it was raining so hard that I had to keep pulling over because I couldn’t see the road. My car has a couple of issues that need to get fixed so we could have broke down on the side of the interstate.

It wasn’t smart or safe for us to go and that’s another reason why I didn’t go 2 months ago. I’m upset that I risked my car breaking down to come see him and help him move and within 24 hours of us being there, everything completely went to shit and he still expected me to be at his house and act like everything was okay. I couldn’t do that because to me that would have been giving him his way and controlling me even more and I would have felt that I have to kiss up to him to get my money so I could go home. I felt completely powerless and that it was fucking torture.

I haven’t felt that scared in a long time and I will make damn sure no one ever freaks me out like that again. Before we left there, I had to poop so we found a gas station and I was scared we were going to come out to flat tires or something. I just couldn’t wait to get on the road and as soon as we were on interstate, I could feel myself calming down. I completely blame myself for all of this because I allowed myself to be put in the predicament of someone else controlling my money and essentially me as a human being. I also feel awful that because I put myself in that position that my daughter was around it too. Whatever I sign myself up for is also affecting her and that’s why we will never be going back.

It felt pretty good to get all my stuff and be able to leave. I was grateful that things didn’t end up worse than what they were and now I am completely free to sever those ties and be done with it. I know that I definitely appreciate his apology because he’s never apologized in the 6 years we’ve known each other and I understand that he’s stressed out and has a lot of shit to deal with but that doesn’t make it right for him to take it out on me like he did when I just there to see him and help him move.