A Sunday of sadness in My life

I just wallow in my own sadness these days. It’s too dumb to tell anyone so I say it here. I want to say sorry to all the kind commenters who commented on my earlier posts. I’m sorry to say that you “judged” me. You didn’t.

I guess it’s just my peculiar issue. If I say this to anyone people would be like OH DON’T WORRY YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE. But what if I want more? I guess people who achieve great things must be surrounded by people who really want to push them. People who tell them “You’re not doing enough.” It’s definitely important to have encouragement too. But I just think people who achieve great things have both: people who encourage them and people who push them.

I just can’t do this. I want to achieve. I really do. I don’t know where that came from in me. Why am I so unhappy? What am I aiming for or hoping for?

They said to pay attention to your jealousy, it’s telling you something. Yeah maybe. Can this be telling be what I actually want and need?

I’m such an unreliable person too. Sorry, this came out of nowhere but I guess I’m not trying to be coherent. I just want to be heard.

I just feel the urge to tell him everything, but I can’t. I don’t want to ruin it.