First year of college coming to a close in Journal 2022

Mom made me calamari and a yummy shrimp/bacon salad.

J and I haven’t had much time to talk. I, had to gather my thoughts to write a entry. I really, truly did. I can’t stop thinking about how much fear I have. Fear of losing him and what we have.

The days have been nice but there’s a low warning beneath their surface. I finished my last exam yesterday and felt it. I felt it on the entire bus ride (I finally wore summer clothes woooo) back home. It’s that feeling of knowing and not knowing what was to come.

I feel like J is my boyfriend. But he’s also my friend, someone who protected me in ways I can never truly describe. There are no words to describe the year he was my friend, the year he comforted me. I was lusting over him, helplessly. It got borderline pathetic to think.

And now…now I have him. For me. Myself. And I’m so emotional from it as it’s like I’m finally free. I’m breaking free of the chains that mentally and emotionally held me locked in place, captive and frozen. I never want this freedom to end on both of our ends. I want him free from his worries and pains and nightmares, the ghosts that haunt his mind.