Long weekend. in Since OD is shutting down....

So yesterday we got up and I saw on Marketplace some lady was selling some puzzles and I thought they were super cute so my daughter and I went and got them. We then got my Mom and went to a couple of rummage sales. I got my daughter some more puzzles and some little odds and ends of things. We were going to see my Mom’s boyfriend but she didn’t really want to but then we talked to him on the phone and he’s started chemo soon so I said we need to go see him before he starts getting treatment as he’s going to be super sick and probably not want visitors.

We loaded up and went and saw him for awhile. He was super stoked for us to visit and I always enjoy talking to him. I told him how sorry I was and how I never wanted this for him. I said I’ll be praying and staying positive. He said the dr is pretty hopeful that will be be just fine but he doesn’t sound sure. I think if all of us around him stay positive maybe he will become more positive too.

All of this has really made me think a lot about everyone and how instead of hating and resenting my kid’s Dad, I think I’ll actually pray for him. We all deserve compassion and humility. Hating him isn’t helping me and being pissed that he’s the way he is doesn’t change anything. I honestly worry that he’s going to drink himself to death because I couldn’t imagine how I’d end up having to tell my kid that not only was he absent but now he’s gone so there’s no hope at all of him ever being in her life.

So the cat that was shitting and pissing on the floor is gone. We found him a new home yesterday. I have been putting up with this for well over a year and I just can’t have that going on. It was so unsanitary and I definitely didn’t want that for my kid. Every time I turned around, I was cleaning it up, multiple times a day and I was just burnt out. It was never going to stop. I tried replacing the cat little box, using the most expensive cat litter, having more than one box and even taking it to the vet. There was no reason for it other than the cat felt it was above going in the box.

The damn thing didn’t like me, didn’t like the other cats and wasn’t going to stop going to the bathroom on the floor. I rarely ever saw it but knew it didn’t get outside because there would always be fresh piles of crap on the floor!

I’m pretty tired today. Our day was non stop yesterday and I’m feeling it now. We have school the next 4 days and then we have Summer. I’m compiling ideas for how to get my daughter busy and I’m definitely worried about gas prices because gas is more expensive every single day.

I’m making meatloaf in the crockpot and probably make up some mashed potatoes. I think we’re going over to my brother for a little bit and then we need to get bath and ready for bed. It’s crazy how fast this weekend has gone.

I told my Mom yesterday that with Summer and having my kid all the time, I’m going to need a physical and mental break sometimes. She’s going to have to tell my Dad that she’s going to come over and hang out sometimes. I know that she didn’t want to see her boyfriend yesterday because of him but I also reminded her that he doesn’t care what he’s done to her all these years either.

So my brother said for us to come over when his kid was supposed to be home so I make sure we eat lunch and then I hurriedly get laundry done and put away and we show up over there where it takes him a couple of minutes to answer the door. He opens the window to say his kid isn’t home yet and he’ll call us later. I know my daughter was super upset but didn’t say much and we just came back home. She’s been watching a movie and got her bath. I just don’t know how the fuck we are going to deal with the next 3 months. I wish I got a free babysitter every fucking weekend and be able to sleep all day. I haven’t gotten to do that even once and my daughter is going to be 5 in less than 2 months.

I already feel pretty down worrying about the next few months. I know I’ll do my very best to keep my daughter busy and entertained but it’s a lot to take on all by myself. I’m sure my Mom won’t be around any more than she is now and my brother isn’t ever worried about shit unless he wants me to babysit so they can go out. I don’t get to do what other parents get to do because my daughter just has me.