Lovely. in Since OD is shutting down....

Yeah so I messaged daycare lady and apparently they are going to be leaving to go back to the East Coast for the Summer so I’m completely back to the drawing board with having a sitter. I don’t even know how to process this or where to go from here. I could ask my Mom but she is unreliable, doesn’t want to, comes to eat our food and I get to come home to a big mess and it just doesn’t work out. I could also ask BD but I’d be lucky to get him to watch her maybe once and be back to the drawing board anyways.

I’m wondering if it would be a good idea to have a talk with my daughter tonight and try to help her understand that we are probably going to be home more than normal once school is out. I’m thinking about maybe posting an ad offering babysitting but that’s a gamble too because people don’t always pay and I know this because I’ve dealt with it in the past.

This is just insane how frustrating and stressful this is. I literally don’t know what to do.

There’s a lot of daycares here that have shut down and the remainder all have waiting lists. Most of them want more than I’d even make or even if I did childcare assistance, I only need care until the end of August but would be on the board for a year. I am just completely screwed.

I plan to just enjoy the Summer with my daughter and do what we can to keep busy. It’s upsetting that there is no one to turn to and everyone around me has made this as awful as they could. Even if I asked her Dad to watch her, he would only do it to get pictures and it would be a one time thing. My Mom likes to act as if I’m at her mercy and I’m not allowed to have any kind of boundaries or my daughter is the one who gets punished. My brother might help here and there but it’s only ever on his terms and after I’ve taken his kid overnight.

I was thinking yesterday just how much easier life is being a single Mom because I could only fucking imagine how it would be if I HAD to rely on him. Like move him into my house and have to beg him to watch her. Even when he’s been here, he won’t help unless I mention it and after I’ve already done most of the work. There’s just no way I would ever allow him to make me feel that I’d have to just give in and put up with him living in my house.