Bunk Entry in Current Events

I have emotional incontinence. Ok, it’s all just under the surface. I don’t show pain and fear in person. That would be the Scorpio placements in me, I suppose. I should have seen this coming. I let my depression run its course so I am a little sensitive and raw now. I seem to care about what others think. Which is annoying because I doubt anybody is even thinking about me. It’s all G.

Speaking of it’s all G, I got a little blast from the past in my DMs. Trent struck up a conversation. Its G* was his saying. So much so he changed it to his license plate. Lame. When I was working at the restaurant, a lot of the young guys managed to make a big brother figure out of me. I tried to be a good role model. I did have some positive influence on them. They would open up to me about life, love, etc. Trent was my favourite because he was the most challenging. He was also very pretty. That face was ridiculous.

I seem to be in heat, so to speak. I can’t stop starring and crushing on everything. It’s annoying and inconveinient. Trent triggered it big time. All we did was catch up but I couldn’t stop thinking about that ridiculous face and all those mind games he used to play on me. He’s big Scorpio energy. That’s the opposite of my Taurus rising.

Why I gotta make everything astrology? I’m annoying myself with it also. To be fair, I’m reading and studying a lot about it. I call it Bible studies because… I’m getting the astrology from the Bible. Once smoething is in my cosnciousness, it’s all I will see.

The new loss prevention hire… is very easy on the eyes. I have to force myself to stop starring. Today he showed up in a T-shirt and I thought he was chunky but he is fit as fuck. I heard him talking on the phone… he has a Russian accent. I’m done for if he tries to talk to me. I will melt.

None of it matters, I am abstinent. My sexuality is strong and if I can control that then I can control anything. That’s more of my Scorpio energy right there. I took it in a different direction. Self-control is what I want. I want to be free from my desires so that I can govern myself. On that note, I want to try semen retention.

I don’t need to ejaculate to have an orgasm. An endless, neverending, multiple orgasm. I don’t like my body feeling charged for no reason so I do it anyway. I want to see what the hype is all about. I also want to quit watching porn. Still. I quit smoking, I quit eggs, meat and dairy. I quit a lot of toxic habits but this one has been the bane of my existence.

I was in a bad mood this evening. I was fighting with myself to exercise. Then I got triggered about something stupid and went for my first run of the year. We finally have decent weather. +5c is decent where I’m at. This weekend we finally hit the double digits. This has been the longest winter ever. Thanks geo-engineering.

I started listening to ancient emo music. Well, girly music from the 2000s. Love songs. Whatever. I don’t even listen to proper music these days so I went with it while my insides were stirred up. While I’m feeling alive.

I feel like a big change is coming and I don’t like surprises. Anyway, a bunk entry by yours truly. I need to go shower and hit the hay.