Giving up, accepting how it is in My Life/Mess/Thoughts

For the past 4 to 5 years I have been in a fight to get more time with my daughter. I left her mother for a variety of reasons, and how I left was not in the best way. No relationship ends one sided. Both people contribute their share of blame. I know I was far from perfect. But despite my flaws as a partner, I know I am a great dad. I have always dreamed of loving someone and being loved. I never knew unconditional love until I saw my daughter for the first time. For the beginning of her life I lived for that baby. And letting my ex know how much I love my little girl may have been a mistake. When I decided to leave the relationship very early into my daughters life. I did feel that onto of me being sole provider, I also performed a majority of the time and work with my daughter. Often having my baby at my business and at my side job working and caring as my ex went to school or shopped.
Instantly as I tried to leave the relationship I was portrayed as crazy do to my past mental illness battles and violent. This was played in court to the point she claimed under oath she was afraid I would come kill her and my daughter. No PFA or anything was ever filed by her and I had never been violent to her. During the entire year it took for me I had to go 6 to 7 months without seeing my daughter and my ex stood firm that I should be only allowed to see my daughter 8 hours every two weeks. 8 hours every two weeks is standard visitation for children under 3. I wanted 50/50 physical and legal custody. I felt and still feel both parents should be equally involved in a child’s life. No one parent should keep a child from another. After fighting to the point I also had to declare bankruptcy I gave in hoping to pick up the fight later.
Now we have been to court four more times. I have spent thousands fighting for my daughter. Judges ignore my request for 50/50, shrug off contempt charges against my ex that are direct violations of our papers, and make everything about money. Yes I pay my child support to the penny. I volunteered to an income withholding order in the divorce. I fight fight fight and gain no ground. My ex is hell bent at all cost to keep me out. She limits the time I get. She gets me to pay a thousand dollars a month to her. Due to the thousand dollars I have to work more so I can pay her and support my family with my current wife. Then she complains I work to much to have my daughter, and that am not around. So she complains about the very situation she created and refuses to change is no matter how much I try. Very convenient for her. I’m the bad guy no matter what.
I have decided at this point I won’t get my girl. I understand now why you hear of Dads walking away. I love and still want my little girl, and I wont walk away. I am just going to accept how it is. Do what I need to do to help my other child and step son. They need my attention as well and I am depleting all my energy and money. One day my daughter may ask me why I wasn’t around when I only live 10 min away. I hope she does. I want to tell her I tried. I tried so hard and wanted to be there more and more. But it was not my doing as to why I didn’t see her more, her mom said no. I truly feel its meant to be my punishment for leaving.