Blues in Current Events

My heart has been feeling heavy all day. My soul is crushed by something and I am not sure what it is. I spent the day at my mother’s. She hosted Easter. She hasn’t hosted anything since con-19. I spent all week looking forward to spending more time with my niece and nephew. Even as I was playing with them I could feel my depression eating away at me. I haven’t had it like this in years.

When I experience depression, it is usually a shift in paradigms. I am grieving the loss of an old belief structure. It can be something big like grieving the loss of a loved one. They are not in my reality anymore. It can be something small like grieving the loss of respect for somebody. Some shifts are harder to accept than others. Acceptance is the end game for each episode, naturally. I have to go through all of the stages of grief. Imagine being a “conspiracy theorist” shifting away from everything accepted as normal and true. That was one wild ride but I am built for it. Piece of cake.

The only thing that I know which is bothering me is my hair loss. I will come to terms with it eventually. Everybody does.

I did a long workout this morning. At home, of course. I am pretty confident that I will be signing up for a gym soon. It just feels right. I don’t like a lot of music today but I like Doja Cat for no reason. I listened to her music while I did my workout. Her vide for So Right is masonic as fuck. I understand the meaning completely. Death is door aether, when our body expires our consciousness is sent back down to incarnate again by Saturn if we are not vibrating higher than the moon. We just entered the age of Aquarius, Saturn was played by the Weekend. Blah blah blah

I was tasked with picking up my grandmother. I was nervous about the roads. The snow is slushy and crunchy and hard to work with. I was fine but my car is making a grinding noise. I didn’t make time to react to it right away. When I got home my mother had texted me that my car is leaking an orange fluid. I opened up my hood and it was a little smoky. I was just thinking about how I just positioned myself to be a little financially fit so my car must require expensive repairs. Right on cue, it happened. I will have to figure out what I am doing about it tomorrow. I can take it to the Canadian Tire that is two blocks away. It will cost me an arm and leg but it is better than waiting to call my people on Monday. I am prepared to bus to work. Mentally anyway.

I am home now, still feeling depressed a bit. I am taking it out in the comment sections of my socials. I am trying to debate Christians on how the bible is obviously not literal, it is not a history book it’s all literary and it tells us so multiple times. I ended up making friends instead. Well… friendeds.

Anyway, I think this is a mental detox happening. I need to let it run its course. The depression I mean. I will pay attention what my thoughts are, they will reveal areas that I need to work on. All I want to do is eat all of the carrot cake my roommate baked. Her baking makes me happy. Well… happier. We are not hurting when we binge eat, eat junk food, drink, get high, have affairs, make wasteful purchases etc.

I did have a good day though. It was nice being with everybody. My niece and nephew always cheer me up.

My old neighbour has myocarditis from the gene therapy they call a vaccine. That is so sad. He got a letter from the government exempting him from further shots. He will be dead in ten years along with the rest of them. He can’t do his garden anymore, that poor guy. I feel for him. He is such a nice guy. That safe vaccine is killing his hurt tissues. That effective vaccine failed three times and the government wants us to take another one. These government supporters are sick in the head. There is no soul inside of them.

My brother-in-law told me about it. About the neighbour. He and my sister don’t want to join the government’s eugenics program. He said that he is not anti-vaxx, just doesn’t believe in this one. I tried to explain why I am anti=vaxx and there is just no reasoning with these people. He will do anything to protect his kids except research what these things actually do. These doctors are the new priests, you do not doubt them or question them. Spoiler alert, germs don’t cause disease. That is what you find when you get to the bottom of our healthcare. This means that our symptoms are not the disease, they are the cure and our doctors are assaulting our bodies by suppressing symptoms. Terrain theory actually has the science. Stefan Lanka has left germ theory defunct at this point but everybody wants to commit to the propaganda because they are afraid to be a heretic. Just a little bit of knowledge and digging could save my niece and nephew from any further harm caused by this deathcare system.

Blah.