Attitude. in Since OD is shutting down....

I have developed a different and much more positive attitude since my brother said some stuff on my birthday and I do believe that it was stuff that I needed to hear. I definitely understand how my frustration and anger could make people believe that I am just miserable and hate my life so that’s why now, I don’t mention my stress as much and honestly, feel a lot better not complaining so much. It’s good to vent and feel my feelings, but when that had become all I’ve talked about, it’s time to change.

Complaining is for the ungrateful and I am definitely not that. I thank God every single day for my life with my beautiful daughter and how good we do have it. I know that I’m always going to wish things were different for my little girl but it’s okay to live in the now and just enjoy the moment. I get to raise my daughter the way I want and watch her grow everyday. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my child and how her Dad can go day to day and not be an active part of her life is crazy.

I have really tapered off telling my best friend everything in my life. I just don’t think it’s wise to be extremely open with people and it’s okay to keep some stuff to yourself. I think I’ve always been very closed off but then other times, I’m too open to the point of it hurting me later. I know my best friend would never do anything to jeopardize my trust but I want to keep some things private though.

One of the things that I want to talk about is the walls that I’ve built for myself and my child when it comes to the sperm donor. I have had a protection order against him and even with that, my best friend still talked to him because we both thought there was hope. We know now that there isn’t and he’s actually blocked her but then now he’s moved on into tryna keep tabs on me through my brother. I can’t express how angry this makes me when he’s asking my brother if I’m dating. That’s my business and I’ll do as I damn well please. He doesn’t see his child, doesn’t even ask to, doesn’t even have a job but still way too concerned about me. It would be great if he was half as worried about being a Dad.

I know that there’s stuff that’s always going to bug me but I also look at all the positives too. I also know that someday all of this is going to catch up to him and he’s going to be forced to work and that’s really going to piss him off. He never stops to think about my life or what struggles I have as a single Mom, he’s always just worried about himself. So, karma is coming for him.

Easter is this weekend and my brother invited us to come eat with them so we’ll probably do that. I’d like to find one more egg hunt before then. My daughter absolutely loves all that stuff and is such an active child. I couldn’t ask for a cooler kid. She finds everything fun and I just love her enthusiasm. She even loves going to the grocery store. Just anything is fun.

School starts back up Tuesday and she’ll go for the week and then have another week off. School lets out at the end of May and then we definitely have to find stuff to do. I’d like to get into a routine. I’m definitely stressed about it because I know there probably won’t be stuff to do every day, but I want to make sure that we are getting out enough to be content. I think it’s okay to have days to just chill and be lazy but my daughter loves to get out and do stuff.