Job Changing Yet Again in Still Listening to Spirit

And so, the saga continues. I am still alive. I am still kicking. I am up again with gloves off, not beaten, but surely humbled and bowed in acknowledgement that I can be neither wrong nor right, but just different.

Things came to a really big head Tuesday. Things were going quite well, I was training a new part time front counter girl on renting Jeeps, some dispatch, her first day so everything in general and not much in specific.

I do not know what time Heath came to 'help' with selling and dispatch. By the time he was done and I was done, I was nearly in tears, frustrated, once again made somehow wrong and truly feeling defeated.

Heath does not understand how I keep track of everything on my dispatch sheets. He turned me loose to do it my way because it was easier, he didn't need to train me, but truly because it was easier not to pay attention when things were running well. And they WERE running well.

By grabbing my dispatch sheets, he completely prevented me from doing my job, answering questions he had about things, the tensions grew and by the time the 11:30a tour got out we were both fried, angry, and confused.

What happened? I asked myself.

Heath came up beside me, like he does, kind of body nudged me and we both said nothing. I finally said "We can't keep doing this." He agreed. By the time the very short conversation was done, I decided to go home and he decided to break for lunch.

I came home, sat down and began to rant at Hub with him listening intently. He asked appropriate questions, talked about teamwork, and listened some more. I decided to call Heath, ask for a meet, to see where we were and where we go from here.

Heath picked me up in his old pickup, we went to get fuel, then he drove around until we ended up in the parking lot beside the Eagles where he parked in back, turned off the truck and we began to talk in earnest.

He admits he was trained by the most anal retentive guy on the planet, the man who used to own his tour company. He uses a huge sheet on which everything is written and he has checks and balances so he knows exactly what is going on. My way doesn't give him a big picture, or a consistent picture at all times, no one else can read or figure out how I do it even though I do keep track of everything that needs to be kept track of.

I pointed out to him that everyone else in the office area never looks at my paperwork. Any question, person, phone call, etc. about dispatch is referred to me and none of them need to know HOW I do my job as long as I do my job. Heath can't work like that, he just can't.

Heath had 2 hours to think about this whole thing and this is his solution which is agreeable to me and I am really looking forward to beginning anew with him. He loves me like a sister he says and can't understand why Greg ever let me go, instead of allowing me to be and do what benefits his company and not sell retail.

Anyway, I am to come in now at noon after most of the noise and confusion and chaos of dispatching tours has ended. I am to keep track of supplies inventory for the coffee bar and popcorn store. I am to keep up with payables and make sure he is paying on time as this has gotten way out of hand. I am also to help Lisa, who has been taking the huge burden of ALL office work for the last few weeks.

He wants to implement his way of dispatching and selling, by himself I guess. Once he is settled in that again, he wants to begin to train me in his way. I am all for that. The way things have been going, I have had no training in how he wants things done, he threw me into things knowing I could keep it going, but not realizing how his getting back into the selling and such would effect him.

Bottom line, we both agreed to try this. He doesn't want to lose me. He says I am very intelligent, work hard, am a huge asset to his organization and future growing of the company and he wants me on his team.

My main concern in all this before we talked was that he would put me in the office, yet keep pulling me back to front counter, accomplishing nothing at the end of the day in either office or dispatch. I am an optimist, I sure am. I want to work, just not so hard and at cross purposes with anyone.

By the time we were done, we were both half exhausted yet exhilarated. The windows on his truck were completely fogged up and we had to do some cleaning before he could back up and take me home.

I started giggling, and by the time he got the truck on the road he was in great puzzlement as to my amusement. I could hardly spit it out, but I did "You know," I said, "rumors will be flying, probably already are flying around town. Talk about Heath and Cindy in the truck, in the back of the Eagles parking lot, hiding, and fogging up the windows!"

OMG, he blushed to the roots of his reddish hair and down to his beard. His mouth twisted and I think he was completely at a loss for words. He finally started laughing too. "There goes what's left of my reputation in Our Town" he said.

WHAT?? I pretended to be insulted and told him that MY reputation would certainly suffer more than his because, after all, what does it say about my taste and judgement if I am messing around with him?!

Okay, so it is almost 8am on Wednesday morning. I am rededicated to doing a good job, take up my new duties and do the very best I can. I am grateful for being able to do a re-start, comfortable that all is well, and relieved that I am still employed.

Blessed be!

Oh, and all you who worried about my last entry and me. Thank you. You were right to be concerned. I am and always have been since my first memories in childhood, ready to just hang it up, opt out of life, stop the suffering. Somehow, though, I have always wanted to wait to see what the next day brings, and the next, and the next until the permanent solution to the temporary problem resolves itself, as it always has and likely always will.