Life in Current Events

I had an exhausting week at work. What kept my spirit up was anticipating movie night with my niece and nephew. I spent last night at my sisters. I had a swell evening.

Yesterday, I was packing my bag before work so I could go straight to my sisters after my shift. I decided to open my multipack of soap bars. They’re nothing special. They’re organic and all that jazz. One was missing. That triggered me because there is only one person who would have taken it and the only way to know that it even existed is if we went digging through all of my stuff. Like deep diving through it all.

Toni, my roommate, we have separate bathrooms. Mine has the laundry and hers has the bathtub. Mine is connected to my room. She has absolutely no reason to be digging through all of my stuff in my bathroom. Let alone helping herself to anything. If she had asked I would have said yes. It’s just a stupid bar of soap. I know I won’t find it with her stuff in her bathroom.
I assume it’s in her gym bag so she can shower there. I dunno. I don’t care. I’m hoping this is all just a misunderstanding.

This isn’t my first time going through this. This is small scale but big things have small beginnings. I lived with a sister who was dating an addict. Nothing of mine was too sacred. He would steal whatever he wanted to pawn it and then gaslight me into thinking that I lost it. He felt entitled to every penny I earned and it drove him nuts that he couldn’t control me. That entire living situation was insane! He was financially abusive to my sister and I let it affect me also for her sake. He was every kind of abusive to my sister except physically. I ended up leaving that living situation when my other sister offered me her spare bedroom. I was financially trapped otherwise. At least, so I thought.

That situation is behind me now but my sister is still in it. I’m the bad guy because I refuse to blame the addiction, I blame the addict. He is a monster. We almost got my sister back a few years ago. His liver crystallized and he almost died. The darkest parts of my mind was wishing that he would just die. That is the only way my sister will leave him. He adds no value to anyone let alone himself. I, of course, did not put that thought out into the universe. He has a son that he has a relationship with. Barely. He’s become such an embarrassment. My sister is only staying with this idiot because of his son. She lives out of town now and we can’t reach her. Her boyfriend makes her lose all contact with the world when he is using. Which he obviously is. We haven’t heard from her all year.

My mother is hosting Easter next weekend. First time since con-19. She wants to buy a bus ticket to get my sister in town for it but nobody trusts my sister enough to let her stay with them. I only heard about this last night. I will offer to let her stay with me, I will help pay for the tickets also. I want to see her. She’s an amazing person, she is hilarious and full of life. She has a big heart and is very nurturing. I don’t see this coming together at all but I will put it out there anyway. The only time we hear from her is through text or FB messenger. Except that it is not her, it her her boyfriend pretending to be her to “borrow” money. My mother would actually have to send the money to this deadbeats grandmother to buy the ticket.

Anyway, Toni is a functional alcoholic. Well, she is a functional addict. It was really bad when we first moved in. Every night she got plastered. She couldn’t keep her story straight with what we were doing regarding our finances. She eventually tried to say that I owed her back pay in rent even though she had gone months without paying me anything for groceries and essentials. She made me supply us with absolutely everything else. Appliances, dish ware, furniture etc. I even pay for Netflix and Prime. I had shut that down, lost out on what she owed me and she has tried to force me to carry the financial weight of the groceries until the end of the month. This is after leaving me with 100% of the responsibility of getting them, tracking them, hauling them into the apartment, putting them all away. Doing all the cooking with them, the cleanup etc. She also demands that I pay her biweekly for rent. She wants to be the one who submits rent, she feels entitled to both of my paycheques?

She stopped getting plastered every night. She thinks she is control but she isn’t. Instead she gets stoned first thing in the morning and keeps that high all day long. Sobriety is too painful because she feels… lonely. She feels lonely because she refuses to grow up and accept that she is alone and has to parent herself. She is deeply codependent and isn’t getting her codependent needs met by the world.

Anyway, I’m still at my sisters and her kids and dog are already obsessed with me lol