Contradictory statements. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my brother....he has been told at least a hundred times to stop talking to my child’s sperm donor and to block him. Well, my brother does but then unblocks him and then sperm donor messages him. I told him that it super creepy that the guy just doesn’t get it! He messages whoever will listen to his lies and excuses.

My brother says to me the other day something about how don’t I find it better than he’s not involved which I obviously agreed with and how we need to get to the point he’s at with my friend where they just don’t speak and leave it alone. Both my brother and my friend are pretty reasonable, sane people that could have worked something out for their child but it just didn’t work out that way which is whatever but it’s also bullshit how my brother will say these things but then try and get me on board with sperm donor coming to my child’s birthday party.

I find it all pretty off the way when my brother has had 4 children, all different Mom’s and has only ever been a Dad to his daughter who’s 11. He and his kid’s Mom are together and it’s great that he got his life together because he wasn’t always in a good place like he is now.

I’ve spent the last 4 years proving to everyone that I’m reasonable and I want him to be involved with his child. The lies, excuses, and the lack of accountability isn’t what I’m willing to deal with anymore. I’ve also dealt with him not paying child support and saying how I won’t let him see her because he’s not paying so I allowed him several visits to prove him wrong. I’ve spent years already proving to be the better, bigger person and I just don’t feel that I have anything more to prove and all he’s done to is take advantage of my efforts.

If he wanted to be a Dad, he would have been one by now. He moved 11 hours away a week after finding out I was pregnant. Emotionally abused me through my friend my whole pregnancy. Refused to sign the paternity affidavit at the hospital after she was born and has never been there all this time. He’s been to 1 dr appointment in almost 5 years. He bought 1 box of diapers. He made sure I never relied on him but people think I owe it to him to come around for the fun days?!

He’s had every chance to be a Dad because I listened to everyone else and kept trying until I realized I was breaking my own heart and now I just can’t put forth any more time or effort to get through to this person. He’s a very miserable person that needs a lot of help mentally and wanted to have a kid with someone, anyone to try and use that child to control them and have power. He doesn’t pay child support because he uses that to try and control me but I make it happen without his money and I don’t even care about it anymore. All I want is peace. He was allowed to rob me of a lot of joy and I refuse to allow him to steal any more of my happiness.

All I know is I want to just put all of this to rest by not hearing about him anymore and on my end, stop talking about him. I’ve spent way too much time bitching about things when I need to remember how blessed I am. My daughter is truly my favorite person and I feel so lucky everyday that I get to have her and raise her the way I want. I get to have all the memories. I get to take her wherever I want and just live our lives together. I get all the memories and honestly, it’s always going to hurt my heart that he’s not around but that’s his choice.

My daughter and I will always deal with the choices he’s made but I want to handle them with grace and maturity. I don’t speak of him in a negative light around her, I make sure no one does. I just care about making sure my daughter is doing fine and if she brings him up, I talk about him in a positive way and make it okay for her. I have let so much go in this situation and I like where I’m at with all of this. I am good without him around but I refuse to allow him to come around only when he feels like it and to feel that it’s for him.

I am truly convinced that there’s a deadbeat handbook on the dark web. There’s millions of guys that are just like him and I feel so sorry for every woman that has children with a fucking deadbeat. I get that I should have chosen my child’s father more carefully but that doesn’t mean that she should ever suffer either.

Everyone is had been very contradictory in my situation and I feel like all I’ve done is take his abuse and prove a thousand times that I’m the bigger person and it just makes things worse for my child. Even my friend has told me that I’ve put up with more than she ever would have but yet she encouraged me many times to allow him to see my child and come into my home! LIke what in the absolute fuck! I know that we still had some hope that things would get better but after almost 5 years we all know that ain’t gonna happen!