FIL in Journal

I wrote a letter to FIL, and I don’t think I’ll share it, here. But here are my contemplative ruminations on it.
After his wife, my DH’s mother, and my MIL, died last November, I have thought with more and more conviction that if ever there is a time to do something, that time is now. And, while we (DH and I) receive a growing number of letters, cards, gifts, and poorly expressed sentiments from FIL, I never feel compelled or even slightly motivated to reply. In fact, I feel a strange species of contempt. The contempt, I think, is my natural reaction to his avoidance of anything that matters. Maybe it is my own ease and felicity with philosophy which brings me to a state of almost instantaneous understanding of any simple action; like the movements on a chess board, they are made with clear intention and transparent effect. Manipulations of moral duty, of guilt, of shame, of abstract family values, fall on me, the gatekeeper to my family, with no effect. Or rather, the effect of eliciting contempt.
Letter after letter, note after note, and sentiment after cliche, petty sentiment, FIL offers no advice, no goodwill, no curiosity, and no compassion. He admonishes our lack of action. He complains in self pity how he never sees W. He asserts his entitled preference to have a relationship with his grandson.
Yes, I am weary. Very weary, of entitlement, of false moral positioning, of guilt trips and rank manipulations.
But, I want to be clear, concise, and direct in my communication about the problem actually is. Which is, that FIL is not a father, not a FIL, and not a grandfather. On my say-so? No, of course not. By his own admission. Every admonishment of us, his children, is an admission of failure to act as a father. Because one cannot demand one goddam thing that one is not willing to do for another. And because he doesn’t know, cannot know, and refuses to know, why or how or anything about how we behave or make decisions, he has less than zero credibility in exacting demands from us. He does not have our respect.
Honor thy father and thy mother, the Bible says. And I say, I am. I do. I honor my mother. I honor my father. And I honor my FIL. I honor them for their actions, their choices, the responsibilities they’ve shouldered. I honor them 100% for each and every noble and heroic and virtuous hard-won value. I am aggrieved that, after an honest and thorough search, long conversations and difficult emotional work, there is so little. So little, it’s almost as if, there is nothing.