blah in Current Events

I feel crushed today and I’m not sure why. I don’t necessarily need a profound reason. My mind and body just want rest. A deep rest. Depression in a nutshell.

I’m not experiencing anything soul-crushing, I’m just feeling weighed down. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I let myself down this past weekend. I didn’t accomplish anything that I wanted to. Aside from my sacred Sunday self-care routine. I did spend a lot of money this weekend. My version of a lot of money. I did get a bonus from work. I didn’t blow it all at least.

I suppose that I do not feel in control. Control is my toxic trait, for myself. Self-control. My splurge wasn’t so bad. New boots, a new pair of jeans and a ring light. Then a few other things from Amazon. That order tried to arrive today. I slept through it and the delivery guy didn’t know how to buzz up. I don’t know what happens next.

Anyway, it’s another bunk entry. I need to peel away from the cult of politics. Oh, there is some procrastinating on my end. That’ll do it. I’m stuck in this positive feedback loop again. I have a few things that are pressing but I keep pushing them off and now it’s eating away at me. Another toxic trait. Blah, I should go lay down and feel sorry for myself for a bit. lol, I don’t actually feel sorry for myself at all. I just need to wallow about having to be a responsible adult when I don’t wanna. I wish my life could have a pause button. It’s not even bad in my little world right now. Blah