Perhaps I Will Not Beat Up a Doctor in Inside My Head

Not all doctors are terrible. I went to another office today for an ultrasound appointment. I didn't tell them that I already had a scan. I didn't want them to refuse to see me. The doctor's office is close to my house and the staff was wonderful and friendly. I got to see a doctor and didn't have to see a midwife which was a relief. I'm sure that there are many wonderful midwives out there, but my prior experiences with them have been so terrible I never want to deal with one again.

The ultrasound showed a ten week old fetus with a normal heartbeat. I got to hear the heartbeat! It was so amazing!!! I wanted to cry and laugh, but held it in because I figured they would think I was a crazy person. The baby even did a flip while we watched it on the ultrasound. It was too funny.

My insurance is going to ding me for the visit because I already had a dating scan, but I wanted another ultrasound to make sure the fetus was ok since that fucking idiot midwife gave me a pregnancy category C medication. The obgyn iffice that I had been seeing refused to do another one and seemed toally unconcerned. I am considering switching offices. I was terrified that the Terazol hurt the baby and couldn't stand to wait a month to find out whether or nor it was alive. After all the stupid things I've spent money on, this was one of the most worthwhile investments I've ever made. Let the insurance company charge me whatever they want. I don't care. I just needed peace of mind.

I haven't told anyone except my mom and Michael, but I have a strong suspicion my dad knows. They visited me a few days ago for my mother's birthday. My father saw how I looked in my clothing. I'm already showing and there is really no way for me to hide it. I stopped fitting into my clothes at 7.5 weeks. I don't want to tell anyone until after my 12 or 16 week scan, just in case. I feel much better though...maybe I'll finally be able to sleep without having any more miscarriage nightmares.

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