Boundaries. in Since OD is shutting down....

I want to talk a little bit about boundaries and how impossible it’s been to have them dealing with toxic, narc people. So my Dad sexually abused me as a child and has always been really weird. Even pushing 40, I still don’t feel comfortable around him and am very aware of how my daughter and I are dressed when we’ve been around him.

When I was 16, I went to the ward as I had threatened to kill him. I never planned to harm him nor would I but I said it because I knew they would get me away from him. I spent 2 weeks there and it was absolutely blissful. When I lived at home, I just stayed in my room. We never had food and back then we didn’t even have running water. I sat in my room and just listened to music or would draw and write poetry.

The charges never stuck because my Mom told them that I was just vindictive. I am still very resentful as we could have gotten rid of him. I find out a couple of years ago about him harming my little brother as well and was never charged for that either. My Dad is a fucking monster and in my opinion should be in prison.

I get that my Mom is used to being controlled and brainwashed but even with us kids telling her shit that he did to us, she still has asked for my daughter to come over and be around him. He’s never been held accountable for his actions and I refuse to wait for something to happen to my child as my Mom would still see it as my fault in her eyes because she’s another one that doesn’t believe that anything is ever her fault.

I understand that the day will come where I’ll probably need her to watch my kid and I need to let my Dad know before that happens he’s not to be around. I will let him know that if he’s around my child again, I will be getting a protection order against him as I’m going to keep my daughter safe and I’ll go to the ends of the Earth to do so.

My Mom is in a shitty situation where she’s controlled and manipulated but unfortunately that’s her life so I don’t think my daughter or myself should be affected. I just find it annoying as hell that she gets it when she’s pissed at him or she’s not living there but otherwise, she’s just like a fucking moron and has no brain of her own.

She acts like I’m the problem instead of paying attention to the elephant in the room and putting blame where it’s due. He’s gotten away with so much shit and I have no doubt he would harm my child and get away with that as well because of her age. I saw a Tik Tok the other day about a little girl that had been sexually assaulted by her Dad and wasn’t a credible witness because she was only 9. My kid is almost 5.

I hate my kid’s Dad for putting me in the position of being a single parent and have to deal with everything on my own. I’m constantly in fear of needing my Mom to babysit because I don’t want to worry about her being around someone that’s been deemed as unsafe.