Why I'm Voting UKIP (Part 2) in Nine Dollar Phrases

Because...

• I'm Racist
• I'm pro-rape
• I prefer to work more hours for less pay, unpaid annual leave, no sickness benefits and no security against being arbitrarily fired
• I fear homosexual rain wizards
• I believe that far from being a fundamental human right health care should be a cash cow where only those who can afford it should receive medical help when needed
• I hate that Elephants from Bongo Bongo land are selfishly hoarding all the ivory essential to British industry
• I think health and safety and environmental legislation has gone mad, I don't know about you but I preferred it when British beaches were covered in shit and a permanent smog hung over London
• I claim to be pro-free speech despite very much being pro-censorship
• I think there can be no possible consequences to overfishing
• I hate that trees are taking up space when people need the space for strip malls
• I'm pro cutting disability benefits because we all know they're faking it
• I would much rather spend my taxes on nuclear weapons than education
• I think we should be tough on foreign criminals who commit crimes in Britain but expect the EU to be lenient on British criminals who commit crimes on the continent
• I'm pro-death penalty because I'd rather risk the occasional miscarriage of justice (which will probably be against a black person anyway so no big deal) because we need to send out the clear message that murdering people is bad and to prove how bad it is we'll murder you
• I think we should put asylum seekers in concentration camps until we can send them back home, after all they're probably all here to steal jobs from British people and Damascus and Kabul and Mogadishu are probably great places to live
• I'm anti-intellectualism
• I don't want to live under the rules of a religion I don't follow but am pro making others live under a religion they don't follow (British Jesus is a much nicer chap that that Moslamik Aslan)
• And finally because I hate how much of taxpayers money goes to the EU except when it lines the pockets of anti EU MEPs because, and here's the brilliant part, by refusing to attend sessions of the European Parliament the next time an election rolls around we can say "See! Nothing changes! Vote for us!"

Not so funny now is it?