Why I'm Voting UKIP (Part 1) in Nine Dollar Phrases
- June 1, 2014, 7:22 p.m.
- |
- Public
For the benefit of my American readers UKIP is our equivalent of your Tea Party. These were various reasons I decided I would vote for UKIP in the election we just had
1: As a Colombian I already know what it's like to live under Shakira Law and I don't want people confusing my breasts for mountains. Again
2: As a mixed race chap I want to know which half of me they'll try to deport
3: I resent the fact that my highly skilled and specialised day job could easily be outsourced to an illiterate Bulgarian peasant.
4: I dislike fantasizing about Slavic girls every time I butter my toast. Call me a bluff old traditionalist but I prefer my milk churning wenches to be wart raddled old crones
5: It rained the night before the election and it's not fair that gay people are having sex when I'm not getting any
6: I want to stop millionaire Russian meerkats stealing all the best advertising jobs from hard working British stoats
7: In my childhood I was forced to play with Sylvanian Families. Go back to Sylvania you furry critters!
8: Because the Central Line smells relentlessly of flatulence and not the boisterous British bottom burp kind but the fetid foreign fart kind
9: If we're forced by the Moslamiks to worship Aslan then it will always be winter but NEVER Christmas
10: I don't want millions of pounds of taxpayers money spent on ensuring all Mecca Bingo Halls face East
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