Great weekend. in Since OD is shutting down....

I've spent a lot of time with my brother and his family this weekend and it's been very pleasant. I'm so glad I've had time away from work to spend with people I care about. Normally I would just hang out at home and be bored out of my mind but this weekend has been a lot of fun. We didn't really go do anything but just hung out at their house. We drank Friday night and then tonight my niece wasn't feeling well so we just watched a movie, had dinner and tried to take care of her.

I guess my parents showed up there for money and food earlier and my brother gave it to them. I'm not sure why he's been so generous with them considering my brother is usually a pretty selfish, greedy guy. He seemed kind of annoyed that they showed up without calling first (they've done it to me a million times even after I've told them not to) and after my brother gave them money and food, they rolled out. I would just like to know why they think it's okay to keep getting money and groceries from everyone instead of figuring out how to take care of themselves. It's completely fine if my brother chooses to help them but I refuse to because I've just reached the point in my life where I know I don't have to and I'm still trying to recover financially from all the money I gave them before.

It's been such a fun weekend that I haven't really thought about John much. There's a part of me that would love to call him and go spend the night at his house but I know that is all it can be and I need more. Every time we've ever gotten back together, I always have that little glimmer of hope that things could possibly work but now I know it's time to leave it alone for good. It's not healthy for him or for me to go running back to him. I know that every time I run back to an ex, all I'm doing is hurting myself because I know it will never be anything healthy and it's just knocking me back down into a vulnerable place I don't want to end up anymore. I also refuse to put myself back into that mode of having to deal with a very selfish, possessive, bi-polar fucking maniac where my whole life will revolve around him and his bullshit. There's just no way I will go back to that. I don't want to go back to someone who made me fucking miserable. I cried every fucking day. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't enjoy life. Never going back. Sorry, not sorry!!

I go back to work tomorrow afternoon. I feel like I've been gone forever and it's only been 2 days. I'm actually missing work and can't wait to get back. I do love my days off because it's so nice to get to just sit down, relax, sleep and just relax. I love it. I'm annoyed that my paycheck wasn't very much even though I worked just as much as I always do, just didn't stay late every night. Again, I just want to get the car loan paid off so I can either work less or get a different job in like 3 months. I do like my job but that doesn't mean I want to be there forever either. Sometimes I just get so fucking sick of that place and think about what other jobs I would actually like to do. I constantly worry about the car breaking down and shit like that but I know for now, this is the best job for me and I do like it there but I just don't want to be stuck there.

Anyways, time to brush my teeth and go watch tv.