Too Tired For This in Phoenix Rises Again

I am afraid.
I’m afraid I will die before I get to see the world and chase my dreams and raise my child.
And I’m afraid I’ll never see you again.
I’m afraid I’ll never get to have one of those special conversations with you again, where it feels like it’s just you and me and nothing else matters.
There’s no reason to believe I’m dieing or that I will die soon. I always say I cant die yet because I still have things I need to do. A purpose. What if Im wrong? If I died now, I’d be ashamed of how little I’ve accomplished and how things have been left.
I wish you were here to laugh and tell me Im being silly. And give me a big hug.
I wish I didn’t feel so ugly.
I need to take a deep breath and remind myself that it will pass. But Im afraid.