Job. in Since OD is shutting down....

School started 2 hours late today and my daughter didn’t want to go. She woke up later than usual and said she didn’t feel good and had a headache. Once she had breakfast and got dressed, she wanted to go. It’s super cold here and it’s not going to warm back up for a couple of days. I’ve been cleaning and just enjoying the quiet. We had 4 days together, basically non stop so I think we were both ready for the break.

I start counseling on Friday and I’m so ready. I have a lot of shit that I need to deal with and I’m ready to start the process. I really want to start thinking about getting a regular job. I’d really like to find something within my daughter’s school hours and then if she didn’t have school, find someone to take her just as a drop in that wouldn’t charge me for full time.

I have a lot of trauma from the job I had for 7 years and I really need to start working through that. I was verbally assaulted and dehumanized just about every day that I was there, I didn’t get to have much of a life outside of it, worked hours past my time I was scheduled to leave and put up with more than I ever should have and did it for way too long. I honestly think that I have PTSD because I have nightmares because of that place and random memories will pop into my head and will wreck me for the rest of the day.

It’s crazy that I quit a year and a half ago and still feel the way I do. I’m terrified that wherever I work will be just as bad but if it is, I’ll be quitting hella quick. I also hated how I worked every weekend and every holiday for the 7 years I was there and the last few months, I had to work 6 days a week and it killed me that my daughter was always in a daycare. I just have a lot of shit that I need to work through.

That job literally destroyed me and I’m still suffering mentally. I will NEVER let another job bring me down and get to me like that one did. I know the first couple of years I was just too emotionally invested to walk away and I had a car note so I had to stay but now, I just want to find a better work enviornment.

There’s just so much in my head all the time and I need a job because I’m sick of being in my head so much. I just want to work like 2 or 3 days a week, just enough to get out of the house, make some money, visit with other people and still have plenty of time and energy for my kid. She has 1 active parent and I refuse to be away from her all the time like I did before. I felt like I missed so much of her life in the first 3 years because of my job and I know now that I can’t do that again.