Random Complaints in The Secret Writings of Eros: Book 3- Fallout, Pain, Acceptance, and Perseverance

So.... this entry is a collection of random complaints from the Isolated Celibate, lol. Though I do have to admit… a sexless existence IS easier when there isn’t an attractive woman living in your home, sleeping in your bed, and married to you. That’s honestly… something I go back to a lot to remind me that… yeah, while this particular experience sucks and is painful… it is honestly better than a sexless loveless marriage.

And despite how shit with Victoria turned out? It was honestly better sex than anything I’d experienced with my ex-wife.

And despite how shit with Essen turned out? It was honestly the hands down, no equivocation, no doubt best period sex period of my life exclamation point!

And I suppose that while I should be celebrating that I even ever had the opportunity to have “good sex” there is much to dealing with all of that. And to multiple varying degrees.

You see… my own wife put me in The Friend Zone. So… ultimately, until 2020 (which is when I turned 36) my life was either “Honestly, completely, and without exception WITHOUT SEX” or… was “honestly, completely, and diagnosably a ‘sexless marriage.” Even the woman THAT MARRIED ME put me in the friendzone. So brutally that a married woman who was willing to have sex with me 4 times was a God damned blessing! And even worse? So much so that a woman willing to explore non-vanilla was such a surprising anomaly that I could barely handle the emotions surrounding it!!

All things being equal? What happened between me and Victoria is unfortunate but makes sense. She’s incredibly physically attractive.. has a lot of issues going on in her head… and couldn’t even follow through on ONE DAY on OnlyFans. So Victoria is a good example of the women I used to attract before I got fat and married. The significantly emotionally or mentally damaged women that is looking for a man to make her feel better.

In other words, in extremely generic Archetypes.......... Victoria is a Bond Girl. The sexy, if dangerous, woman that will seduce you but also actively work against your success.
Whereas Essen is… the traditional interpretation of Boba Fett. Mercantile. Going where the largest benefit for the least cost is.

All the while I sit in my historic funk. I never orgasmed with Victoria or Essen. Essen, especially deserved my orgasm. AND fuck Victoria was my first blow job in almost eighteen years.

It is unfortunate that it took me so long to discover who I was sexually. It is even more unfortunate that it seems I will not sate my sexual desires for… well.... at least another year, if not more. And I cannot help but think.............

If you’d told Younger Chris about all that has happened.... if you told “Proudly Celibate” Chris that he would be (1) sexually assaulted; then (2) more or less treated like a leper and an outcast; before (3) marrying someone who found him physically/sexually repulsive and would state as much semi-regularly? I would want to assassinate the younger version of me that made this our reality.