Ex. in Since OD is shutting down....

So, I stayed up pretty late again last night. I got off at like 10 and then hung out with some co-workers visiting and laughing. Well at some point earlier today, I was sleeping and could hear someone knocking but didn't care enough to get up. Well I went and got lunch and there was a note under my wiper from my ex John saying he missed our friendship and my smile and left his phone number. I do miss him because he listened to me. I haven't been successful at finding a new relationship but I don't want to keep running back to ex's either. I don't know what to make of this considering the last time we hung out, he told me he didn't really know what he wanted and I don't know if he just said that to upset me or what but I just want to be careful what I do because I don't want to deal with someone unsure of what they want because that's how I got hurt before. He has plenty of reasons to hurt me so I just don't know if I trust trying to hang out.

He's always tried to reach out to me like this and most of the time we start talking again until he pulls his mean bi-polar crap until I block him out of my life again. I know that he's never going to change so really, there's no point in letting him back into my life. I'm not as lonely anymore because I work and have people to hang out with outside of work so I don't really need him but it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with, make love to and just spend some time with here and there.

I know that I'm better off without my ex's and by letting either one of them back into my life would be foolish. I also have this thought about I'm pretty much over both of them and if they are in my life, how can I really be moved on? I feel like letting John back in my life is stupid because I know he's never going to change, has nothing to offer me and we can't ever stay in contact because he's bi-polar and mean so if he's around, all he's doing is making it that much harder for me to find someone that deserves their first chance. Even when I spent the night with him not too long ago, it was all the same emotional rollercoaster bullshit that it always was and I'm just not in love with the idea of letting that back into my life. I do miss having someone to spend time with, cuddle with, make love to and eat with but he's just not the guy for me. I know that but it sucks. I wish things could be different.

I have to leave for work in a couple of minutes because I have to pick up some co-workers. I'm off tomorrow and Saturday and plan to get my big ass to the gym! I've been wanting to for 2 weeks and just haven't been able to make it happen. I have to make a real commitment to going because my membership is $53 a month so I wanna try and go at least 3 times a week. I also have some new bathing suits to wear as well.

Anyways, time to go make a living.