New Year Old Me in Current Events

After I let my body heal itself, during the last week of 2021, I have been feeling different. I wasn’t able to connect to any people, places, or things the same way. Again! I’ve had this experience before and it gave me imposter syndrome. Also gave some slight dissociation, especially with my reflection. It was like my body and mind had just done a reset while my body was expressing illness.

I have explained here before that it is as though I am now connecting to my old self. The character I was before 2019. Before I experienced what the new agers call a “spiritual awakening.” I don’t like that term but for all intents and purposes, it works here. I reprogrammed my mind, I developed a lot of metacognition and my journey has been a long, painful, internal one. Literally felt like I was dying and in a way, I was. All the while, my whole little world was also falling apart. For the better, I can see that now. Then the whole world started falling apart in general. Also, for the better. Potentially… faith is not easy to cleave to these days.

I feel like I have come full circle, in a way. I lost myself, then found myself and now I’m back to the person I lost but with all of the wisdom and tools that I got from the new one. It’s interesting because all of the bad aspects of that old self are present as well. I caught myself experiencing a victim narrative that I created for myself. My old “leftist” brainwash created a racist narrative at work over nothing. I had a long week, I experienced a need to just get shitfaced after my shift yesterday, I didn’t. I am getting passive-aggressive with my roommate, Toni. This is a form of manipulation and just like it says in my birth chart, I am a natural at being manipulative. If my childhood trauma didn’t give me the gifts of empathy and self-awareness, I would be a very skilled narcissist.

I also did a lot of overspending last month. I bought shelves for the kitchen to make storage more effective. I bought a mini chest freezer so I can meal prep and also get ahead of this food shortage that is eventually coming my way. For my birthday I treated myself to a mini shopping spree. I grew my wardrobe to add some light jackets and sweaters for spring. Then I did the unthinkable and chopped off all of my hair and then died it grey. It’s been almost six years since I gave a proper shit about my appearance. I wanted to do something exciting and fun, while I still have hair. I even lost all selfie control today but I don’t have anywhere to post them because I don’t have social media. On that note, I am going to return to Fakebook again but this time I am not going to commit to the truther movement, per se. I do have big plans for social media, I’m just not there yet.

I managed to get myself to look in the mirror again. First time in a couple of years. I usually just look at what I need to and then get out. I also accepted that I am experiencing hair loss. I haven’t lifted up my hair to look at the full damage yet but I am doing a little combover for now. I don’t know if I want to commit to a long battle to get my hairline back. I’ll try stinging nettle root extract and see where that takes me. I’m also looking into DMSO, it has the potential to help with that. I want it on hand for other potential purposes but John told me he read about it being used to regrow hair. I had told John to look into DMSO for himself because he caved and got a clot shot. He saw a terrain doctor and detoxed it out but I don’t think it would be a bad idea to keep it around because DMSO can stop heart attacks and strokes. He’s in his fifties, his mother passed away last month from a stroke and his father was just hospitalized because of a stroke. Both events were shortly after a graphene shot. John ordered some DMSO, he also ordered the book I recommended to him about it which is great.

Anyway, I have everything I want and need at the moment. Got that all out of the way. I have a budget plan to empty my credit card by the end of next month. That plan included me buying the legendary edition of Elder Scrolls Skyrim. I am going to save so much money by never leaving my room lol. I wanted the DLC’s. There are probably better games out there but I only have a PS3 console. I would get a PS5 but… maybe next time. I get a huge bonus next month from work. That can just go on my credit card… then I can start my journey on investing.

I could be more productive with my time, I know. I have tomorrow all to myself so I will find a way to connect to being goal-oriented again. I also need to dumb down my resume. I want a second job until I can go back to school. Even institutions that teach terrain theory are asking for a vaxpass. I don’t think that the people I work with understand the gravity of what I am saying when I tell them that I want to become a naturopathic doctor. I am a medical heretic, I don’t agree to believe in germ theory because it’s all superstition and a hoax. It’s a business model that creates disease. A documentary about it was released today, I just remembered.

Anyways, this announcement made my evening. He’s the Prime Minister I wish I had and now he is running against Crime Minister Trudeau. The cable news suicide cult proved last year that Canada reached herd stupidity so we shall see what happens. These are strange times.