Date. in Since OD is shutting down....

So, I had a date Friday night. We started talking on Monday and then Thursday night we talked on the phone for about 3 hours. We met up in a parking lot and he bought us KFC. He came over and checked my internet because it doesn’t work right. Then we went to his house. Whenever we got there, he really had me wait outside so he could tidy up. He took a shower and then we started watching a movie. He asked about my tattoos and I showed him the ones on my chest. Next thing I know, we are just chilling and he starts kissing me. We ended up doing the deed and then he got disrespectful. I have cats, I like country music and he went off about “fuck cats” and “fuck country music” like literally to the point where I got uncomfortable. I was messaging my best friend and he kept asking what we were talking about and I didn’t really want to say so he told me he has ‘ways’ of finding out.

I got dressed and then we went outside to smoke. I said I was gonna leave so that he could get some sleep but he really just keeps talking so I ask him if he wanted me to stay for a bit and he said, “I don’t know” so I took that as my cue to go.

I haven’t heard from him and I don’t plan to be the one to try to start a conversation. Like, I just feel that I need to figure me out and then try to have a relationship later down the road. I’m very confused as this man bought me a candle and made sure to give it to me before I left and was super sweet until after we had sex and then was kinda an asshole. I’m not sure how I feel about him as a person now. The sex was pretty mediocre and I don’t care to do it again. It didn’t last long and I was glad cuz I ain’t one to be wasting energy faking it.

Anyways, so yesterday we just hung around at home. Today we went to the park for a couple of hours, the dollar store and the gas station. Today has gone by pretty fast. We had lunch and I’m going to get her a bath pretty soon as she has school in the morning.

I’ve spent some time thinking about BD and the post he made on that website. I remind myself that I laid down and made a baby with him. I chose him. Just because he’s trying to put his business out there, doesn’t mean that I need to engage. I’m going to keep it moving with my mature hat on and just know that if at any point he drops my full name and address, I will be involving the police. I’m honestly already tired of worrying about our safety and privacy because of his endless need for chaos. It’s really pitiful when this guy has left me to raise a whole ass human alone AND still feels the need to create problems!

But, by putting him on blast is just letting the outside world know what kind of person I am too. I tend to believe that I’m better than that. I don’t plan to ever expose him but I’m not sure if I plan to stay silent forever. I do know that if I were to play into it, I’m giving him exactly what he wants. He has me right where he wants me. It’s just maddening that he cares more about creating chaos than getting a fucking job. He owes thousands and has a warrant but is too lazy and vindictive to even get a job!