Balance in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I found this Tumblr page of a photographer in Canada who takes photos and interviews queer Muslims. As they discussed their faith, I realized that I don't really talk about mine anymore.

I know it sometimes seems ridiculous for people to grasp, but I have remained pretty connected with my roots in the Christian church. I never really left my faith behind, I just realized that culturally I was a little far ahead of the curve for our time. The point of my faith is to be a compass not a set of handcuffs. That's how these Muslims perceive their faith and they're creating visibility for their peers.

Up until I transferred to Cal Poly, I had attended church regularly since 1996. I found churches in Chicago, New Orleans, Los Angeles, and New York or any where else I lived. Many people criticize me for being a bad example, but I never really wanted to be an example, I just live my life.

The other day, I was describing my supposed newfound balance to an acquaintance, and I realized that this was simply returning myself to an earlier state. I'm finding that I actually had everything right when I was 15. I was insecure and paranoid about my sexuality but all of my ideas about life and morality were all correct. It was only when I got older and decided to embrace openness and "the world" that I became disoriented.

Although my world views were wrong, I think I needed a kind of social elasticity that would allow me to be more acceptable to the world.

I had a date on Friday that was somewhat awful. I say somewhat because I had no idea it was a date until he proudly announced it while sipping wine in my kitchen. It seemed very strange to me especially because, although I am attracted to him, I'm not really sure that we would make a good couple. He kept silent for most of the evening, asking me questions and patiently looking for answers.

Something strange did happen, we watched Queer As Folk on Netflix and I couldn't sit through ten minutes of it. For some reason, they changed all the music so it felt awfully wrong. So we turned off Netflix and I popped in my DVD copy of it.

He finally left, far later than I would have liked, but I'm not really sure what the outcome of the whole situation will be. I see him at school frequently and I'm not really sure how this is going to change out interactions. I would prefer if it didn't, but I know that I'm going to react to him differently. Mainly because I hate people who brag about their keen perceptive skills. I can read people, too, but I don't really like to go around bragging about it. Constantly discussing how great I sometimes think I am doesn't really endear me to other people... and when other people do it, I wonder why they are doing it.

I am close to having a job. It will be interesting because I haven't had a regular job in about five years. It's part of my attempt at finding balance. I haven't wanted a "normal" life but I think I need to push myself to that level. Eh, whatever.