I guess i'd abort my son in Journal 2022

I thought about something depressing, it’s sad and a bit fucked up.

If I had a son I think I’d be scared and abort them. I would feel like I’d be a failure of a mother being scared of men and how can you raise a boy with that mentality?

So I’d make him go away. But if I where to do that and then get a daughter months later I’d feel bad. And how would people look at me?

But I don’t feel like is be able to do it. I’d be terrified, be scared out of my mind.

Mom today was rude and also she was last night. Paying. Bill now. For her, I feel like I’m drowning. I want to just die die die but I’m mean figuratively maybe.