We've all had the Covids in Journal

and it wasn’t bad. I might’ve even had it twice, but it’s hard to say since I wasn’t tested the first time.
Been thinking a lot about respect, recently. It was something that came up very early in my decision to start being honest. Totally, completely and relentlessly honest. I don’t care if I or anyone else doesn’t like it. Truth is more important.
DH has begun the process of talking to his dad. Actually he’s done much more than that. He has delineated clear boundaries. He told his dad explicitly what he expected. He repeatedly and insistently expressed his preferences. And when none of that was respected, he quit the job that he’s worked with his dad and brother for over 15 years. It was a long time coming, imo. I won’t get into more details rn but suffice to say, DH owes his dad absolutely nothing.
The thing about telling the truth is that, the values that we pursue may or may not be valuable in reality. What I mean by that is, if I work very hard to achieve, say, writing my first novel, that value, work, effort and achievement may mean nothing to the neighbor. Or to my son. Or to my husband. My achievement may be an accomplishment which is the highest meaning to my self. It may afford me a new level of self-efficacy and self-esteem. Which in turn, I will have more confidence and inner resources with which to provide a deeper, better, more meaningful experience to my loved ones. In a roundabout way, the people who benefit from my confidence do benefit from the values which enable my confidence.
When the chain of values falls off the track is when a value does not actually increase an individual’s efficacy, and therefore self-esteem. In my opinion, all values which fail to increase efficacy in reality are not good values. I mean good as in universal. UPB.
Is telling the truth a value that improves my efficacy? Clearly, yes. It is. Again I won’t go into the details but I guess, just take a look at the last year and half of my entries.
So, the values that I can respect in others are “good” values. IE, values that increase their efficacy in reality, and improve or increase their self-esteem. Perhaps that is the meta-value. The meta-value is an increase in self-esteem.
So. My dilemma with my DH is that, his values fail to increase his esteem. In fact they do the opposite. So I cannot respect him. That is a hard thing to type. It’s a hard thing to acknowledge and accept.
The good news is that, I do not believe that he has consciously chosen those values. In fact I have more reason to believe it would be impossible to choose his values because they are contradictory. (Contradictory is the opposite of universal) which means not good. So I have hope in his potential to consciously evaluate and choose values which are respectable. Which I can respect. And which do benefit him, and I, at the same time.