Who and How in Everyday Ramblings

A neighborhood cottage. I love the detail here.

It is raining. Not hard, no drama, just plain endless seeming rain. It is dark. It is cold, the dog days of winter even though spring is thrumming underneath, and everything is getting ready to burst forth. That is then, this is now, now is miasmic and a bit foreboding.

We are averaging 7,862 cases of Covid a day. I haven’t done anything outside but go for solitary walks and to the grocery in about three weeks. There has been much Zooming, of course, but other than the brief exchange with Mrs. Sherlock and delivery folks no in person human contact.

This weekend I am going to walk with Mrs. Sherlock and if Kes is feeling strong enough she’ll be coming up to say hi and take a nap with the cats. They have two wonderful handsome cats, but they are not exactly lap cats, except under specific feline delineated circumstances. My two are quite promiscuous with their affection. I might go for a walk with Most Honorable.

The rain is supposed to stop on Thursday night.

We talked about risk this morning in Open Practice. I read a poem about asking if we can trust things and that got us talking about risk. I have a couple of home tests and like millions of other folks ordered the free ones from the government yesterday.

Mrs. Sherlock went for a mask free walk with her four friends yesterday. All vaccinated and boosted. But still with her husband so vulnerable it is a risk.

One of my students that is mostly recovered from Covid now was just in agony that he might have exposed his older parents, one of whom just had to move into a care home after a bad fall. So far everyone is okay.

We just don’t know what and where the real risks are. We all take risks every day. But they are familiar, and we can employ common sense.

Tomorrow I am going to the doctor. They called and he wants to see me about a particular medication I am on for my heart. I am a little surprised he wants to see me in person. I haven’t met him. My prior doctor had an infant at home and the pandemic, it all got to be too much for her. I will ask some questions.

And then come home and facilitate the weightlifting practice I do every Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. We had someone new join yesterday. She comes to my regular classes, but I think her physical therapist encouraged her to add a strength building component into her rehab as well.

I have pretty much gained back all the weight I lost doing Weight Watchers with Kes. Intellectually I am fine with this. I am as healthy as I can be and strong and active.

Emotionally it is hard though as I stare at myself teaching 5 ½ hours a week. But I love teaching and I don’t think about how I look when I am teaching, only before and after and when trimming the recordings. That is painful.

When I started Weight Watchers I was already preoccupied with my weight and every darn thing I ate. It was like this emotional roller coaster that always ended in pain. Even when I was thin and folks were telling me, umm, don’t think you should lose anymore, I was still thinking about is this a good choice, or oh god, I had that… So much brain space wasted…

Now it is oh, I am hungry, and I want something to eat. Or I am not hungry, and I want something to eat, or I am restless and…whatever. I don’t agonize over it, I don’t have goals, I don’t think oh if I can get to this weight then…

The average 65-year-old American woman is 5’3” and weighs 166 lbs. I weigh less than that. So, there you go.

I hope as this year progresses to make even more peace with being who and how I am. My handstand teacher is doing an 8-week bodyweight strength building program starting in about three weeks. I am in. It will be fun. There will be more pushups in my future.

Now, the big question is, will the new doctor tell me I need to lose weight? If he does I think I am prepared for a comeback. We shall see.

Last updated January 19, 2022