Struggling. in Magma

I am more tired than anything. Work lately has consumed my thoughts more because I have alot of pressure and no one else to take any of the work load. I hate it. We are looking for an assistant for me.

I need a raise. After this year's performance and what we've brought in I need to make sure I ask for one for the new year. It'll be two years at the same pay and honestly it isn't like I haven't brought work into the shop. I'm tired, cranky and feeling under-appreciated.

I worry about my daughter Ella, she's been having horrible nightmares. Last night she spent most of her sleep crying out and saying "no,no, no!" the whole time. Not once did she cry out for mommy or daddy. Everytime I thought she might be awake I found her still asleep, the tremors of her sleep visions subsiding. I didn't want to disturb her but it took that much more of me to refrain from scooping her up in my arms and cradling her in her rocking chair.

My son Joe was a handful yesterday, raising his hands and slapping everyone. It really had me upset and embarrassed. I'm not sure if it's for attention or what because I was all over the backyard with them after we ate.

Being a parent is tough, having two kids and parenting twice as difficult and that struggle to meet the needs often makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent. I try to extend to one child and in effect I short the other.

Just wish things were easier but it never will be nor was this ever meant to be easy.

Nothing's easy.