This shoul have been easy in Journal 2022

My friend “died” a few months ago.

I felt bad but I never bothered to say anything on the post made about it. Death is only relative, it’s only temporary. We are in a world that’s temporary. But that’s beside the point.

I’ve been restless, nauseous, anxious. Hearing voices, hearing static. Thinking about the conversation with Joseph.

I feel uncomfortable about a few things that where said. Someone brought up to me, a really nice lady in a age gap relationship, it’s odd he suddenly doesn’t see me as a child anymore.

I guess that’s weird. One minute he’s telling me I’m his little sister the next he reveals he wants to impregnate me. Kind of ironic that happens to me. But remember what I said I’m the last entry?? To let what happens happen.

I know it’s my fault so I feel bad about. Like awful when I lay in bed because it’s my doing, it’s my fault. But I won’t say anything.

Because I’ll be dead by 21 if the plan works. Now, when I say this I get annoyed thinking of someone tracking me down to talk or tell my family members in this reality. It’s a belief system I follow, like Christians follow a certain one, like Buddhists have a practice.

I just happen to be suicidal to which is a mess.