Compressed in Current Events

My anxiety got the best of me again today. Usually, I do not experience fear while my anxiety is flared up but these last two days were different. I am not sure why I am experiencing this, yet. I did exercise a bit today. I went over my budget, I made sure my car is starting, I cleaned, I detoxed my liver with a coffee enema and I soaked in a hot Epsom salt bath, I applied at a few places online. I did everything on my to-do list except grocery shop. I don’t know what else I need to do to feel less stressed. I do have wine in stock, my mother gave me a bottle for Christmas but I don’t want to drink while I feel like this. Big things have small beginnings and I don’t need to create a habit of drinking every time I feel anxious and stressed. Also, I think it was alcohol that my body detoxed the other week when my body expressed illness. In a three-week window, I drank an entire bottle of whiskey. That had to come out eventually.

I seem to be keeping myself radically distracted with triggering content on my socials. I would rather just not have to care. This is not adding health at all. I even tried meditating but then I started to feel depressed. I’m crossed between emotionally incontinent and dead inside, lol.

I still cannot connect to anything. Not to people, not to my hobbies and interests. I can’t even connect to music. There was a paradigm shift but I don’t know what it is yet. I just feel like a stranger in my life, again. I do have people trying to connect with me but I can’t bring myself to reply to them. I will get around to it, I suppose.

I also applied to be a member of a private society, I have a few documents to print, fill and then scan to send back. It’s complicated to explain what I am doing. Legal status, standing and capacity are what the end goal is, essentially.

Whatever, I am just killing time right now. I don’t know what else to do. My anxiety is a little better at this second but then I remember that I have a shift tomorrow. Work is a big trigger. They are becoming radicalized and are trying to be all omnipotent with power. They are trying to dictate aspects of my life that they do not have the authority to do. All in the name of public health. They want to virtue signal being public health warriors for the cable news cult. I don’t know what tomorrow has in store, exactly. I do know that they want us all to play clinic and start doing rapid testing next week. My boss is also not in town, we have Rob in charge. He does not like my ways of doing things. Accused me of being a slacker, essentially. There was a shift in standards just after I started. My boss knows what I am doing and we have this conversation all of the time about how I am doing things the new way. Rob refuses to change and doesn’t like that I am not doing things the old way. Whatever. If Mel, my boss, is back tomorrow that will be great. Rob’s way is bullshit. He just doesn’t want to have to find things for everybody to do and I am a beast when it comes to attacking our service list. This makes me his personal enemy. Linda, she is driving me nuts. Her ethics are piss poor and I keep getting paired up with her. Literally, she refuses to do anything and then complains that she feels like I am doing all of the work… that is because I am. Whatever, we will see what happens tomorrow. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let this new job take over my whole life. I made that mistake when I ran that restaurant. It had to quit me.

The last few years have been the roughest, astrologically speaking, for Capricorns. The reverse can also be true. My friend Bruce, another Capricorn, had her best years. I had the most intense. So did my twin sisters. The grand finale is coming before I enter my strongest manifesting years. This doesn’t help my existential dread at all. This is usually my favourite time of year. The New Year New Me energy that a lot of people have, rubs off on me. I know that the real new year is in March, of course. The Vatican put it in Capricorn because Capricorn is the devil. Well, it has the longest nights and that is when Saturn rules. Saturn is law, Saturn gives the best gifts. Saturn rules this turning of the Age, Aquarius. Whatever, I keep saying whatever. I can’t connect to any trains of thought either lol. I should go snack and then find something minor to do before bed.