Issues in In the Meadow

There is an entry about Kayla's birthday party before this one. Today was Aaron's birthday party. It was a fantastic day and he had a great time.

After the kids were in bed I went over to see my parents. We got into an argument, which wasn't great. It was after Aaron was asleep, and we'd all had a great birthday party. I haven't had an argument with my parents in a long time, and I think it was probably good for us. I don't like arguments, though.

I've been thinking about my relationship with my parents. I think the big problem is there is not much honesty and trust between us. I come from an unusual family background in some ways. My mom and her sister gave birth to fourteen children between them. Ten of them are living and four were preemies who died shortly after birth. I have an older sister and brother but we are very close in age. For the first ten years of my life my mom and her sister were pregnant a lot. The last one was born when I was ten and a half. Then there were no more kids, although my mom and her sister were in their early thirties and theoretically could have had more kids. I have no idea why they stopped having kids. I mean maybe they thought they had enough kids, but that's just a guess on my part.

My dad and mom's sister's husband were both career military. My dad retired from the military when I was in my twenties and now works for the government. My uncle retired from the military when I was about twelve. After the military he had a lot of trouble getting and keeping jobs. There were a lot of jobs he just had for a few months. I have no idea why he had so much trouble with jobs.

So as a teenager there was a pattern of my parents making decisions seemingly out of nowhere and I would just be expected to accept it and follow along. That pattern has continued into my adult life. That may have worked when I was a teenager, but adult relationships are based on honesty and trust. Sometimes I feel like my parents know everything about me, but I know very little about them. That doesn't work in an adult relationship.

So that's my rant for tonight. I am trying to make things better with my parents, but it is difficult. And really I can only change myself to become the person I want to be.