Dear Myself, From My Past Self in Journal 2021

I found more from December of 2019 and others. It hurts and burns but I feel like it’s good to see this right now. I made progress since then but I’m still clearly I’m a broken person.

Dear Rua
You called me so many names, I don’t even remember them all. You treated me so wickedly I will never heal. I don’t want you hurt but at the same time I want you gone. I want you dead. I want the world to eradicate you from it’s surface and to send you back to hell from whence you came. You disgust me. You hated me. You used me but I pity you so much.

Clearly, you were lost. That’s what attracted me to you, the way you didn’t know what to do and how to trust. It was perfect. No one could ever steal you away if you only had me. But it was wrong, I was wrong and I was rotten and I was dead. And it was all your fault in the end even though you blamed me you despised me even though you said you loved me.

I hope the sky rips you apart with its mighty hands. I hope God kills you right on the spot, I want your skin to chip and peel. I want your mind to b r e a k like you tried to do to me and how you succeeded. I want you broken dead burned killed tortured dead burned anything. I want you gone from my mind forever.