The Blues in Everyday Ramblings

The lilac garden in all its late fall glory. There is a beauty here too.

Our grocery store workers are going on strike tomorrow. It will be crazy today, but I will go down and get what I can.

I kind of came unglued yesterday. It was dark and wet and cold and one of my favorite neighbors, the retired high school history teacher that carries his wired haired terrier to the park each day and then lets him run, sold his historic home, and moved. And there was this new (very chic) guy standing across the street waiting for an Uber. Things are changing. The guy in his 80’s with the fancy red car and a care giver in the designer condos across the street is gone too.

Anyway, even though I was totally prepped for my evening class yesterday I was apparently distracted and chose the wrong link to open the Zoom window and sat there in the wrong virtual room, while a couple of students were in the right virtual room waiting for me. I did this once before, maybe five or six months ago so I knew better and could have checked.

Then when, instead of prudently checking, I went through the routine I do after every class and was telling myself, oh well, I am kind of tired, it is okay, and went to give Diego his anti-nausea medicine, which he promptly spit out it became clear that I was losing it a bit.

Emergency human tuna was applied, and I got most of the medicine down him, and wrapped myself in warm clothes and a heated buckwheat bag and got into bed absurdly early. Carlo had to forgo chasing the pink toy worm around the living area like he routinely does after class.

It just all seems too much. The weather, climate change, the news, the stupid virus, all the extra holiday obligations… and Diego had had a rough couple of days, reacting to the lesser quality food that sneaks into the mix now and then.

He is super sensitive. Mrs. Sherlock is making Frieda’s food these days as her doggie kidneys are problematic since her crisis a few years ago, and I may need to consider doing that for Diego in the new year.

And although my hip is not worse, it is healing so slowly so I am in discomfort a bit of the time and afraid to overdo it. Another factor seemingly out of my control.

With Fisherman’s Friend throat lozenges, my Neti Pot, Throat Coat Tea, breathing and vocal exercises (including humming through a straw) I have been working at stabilizing my voice. It is better. It is not breaking up as much, but as with everything else lately it is taking forever. The whole pistol squat training thing is on hold. Luckily the sessions are recorded.

Oh, and all my seedlings died. Except one (I think it is a pea or bean volunteer).

And my dental hygienist broke her elbow. Ow.

I know this is just the blues and is situational. There are some shifts going on underneath in my subconscious about how much, where, and how I can sustain teaching. And my commitment to learning more about gardening and keeping seedlings alive to plant out.

There is also this refining going on that I have seen in friends and family members that retire. One has plans and hopes and ideas and heads off confidently in that direction. But about 2 ½ to 3 years out there is a subtle course change that happens as energy levels and resources reveal themselves.

That is where I am here. It is like a lot of the externalities have dropped away and I am more in line with what I enjoy (and am willing to get better at) than doing things because I think they are what one does, or what everyone one knows does.

Okay, ready set go. Let’s see if I can cheer myself up.

Last updated December 17, 2021