Epiphany in Phoenix Rises Again

The truest realizations about life can be hard to handle. I had a breakthrough or two the last couple days and I figured it might be wise to write them down. Maybe it’ll be an entry of more substance than the usual whining.

God has a purpose for Megan too. It’s hard to think of the people who’ve been cruel to you as important. The people you dislike youd like to think of as irrelevant. I’m sure she thinks of me that way. A challenge that she overcame perhaps. But the truth is that God has a plan for all his people, bot just the ones you like or sympathies with.

I struggle to see the good in her, but I know I did once. It is there. Maybe I’m too afraid to see it. Because then I’ll care about her like I should. She’s not just a side character in Jay’s story. She’s a person too. She matters.

Megan matters too.

Cruel as she was to me, I hurt her too didn’t I? Not as intentionally and directly, but maybe she doesn’t see it that way.

I think I need to be brave. I think I need to try to make friends with her and see what’s there under the cruelty.

Maybe I’m setting myself up for more pain and cruelty. But I can handle it. I always have. And I’ll never know if I don’t try. I’ll just have to think about where to even start.

If I invited her out to coffee would she go? I don’t know. I keep thinking of what else we might have in common besides a love of cats. We both listen to country music I think. I guess I’ll start small. And just try to talk. Maybe she’ll respond maybe she won’t. But I certainly shouldn’t make my first attempt at 1:30 am so I’ll give it some time.

I’ve also realised that the thoughts I think idly never really pass and go away. They fester until they become something. A plan, a fantasy, a belief. And so if behooves me to think better things and over time perhaps those positive thoughts will have a positive impact on my life, as they fester and grow into something.

Fun experiment either way.