My ex. in Since OD is shutting down....

So, I go into work in the best mood and it's ruined within 10 minutes of clocking in. I had a co-worker tell me that he saw my ex and my ex said to tell me hi. It instantly brought me down and I couldn't get him out of my mind for the rest of the night. I've been kinda down the past couple of days because of it. I know that he only does it because it's his way of not wanting me to move on completely and because he's hoping I'll contact him and then if I do, he'll play the innocent card and act like it's not that big of a deal to have someone say hi to me for him when he knows damn well it gets to me. If I knew he did it because he missed me and wanted to maybe try and get back together, I would just die of happiness but he does it because he's fucking evil.

I sometimes think about him, fantasize about him coming over, telling me he was sorry for everything and wanting to try again but I know that will never happen. I imagine him saying everything I've always dreamed of and him ready to give his heart to me and try to have a good relationship where he spends the night, cuddles with me, has eyes for only me and treats me as good as I knew he always could. I think about all these things and then get depressed because I know it will never happen in a million years. It's sad that after everything he did to me from constant heartbreak, an std and not even being on his list of priorities, there's still a piece of me that's in love with him. I know that I'm better off just moving on and everything but the other night when I was with that guy I couldn't help wondering what my ex was doing. I would have given anything for it to have been him with me at a restaurant and going down on me later. I wanted to have shared my evening with my ex, not this random dude.

I still miss him. I still feel like he didn't mean to be as mean as he was, he just had to protect himself from getting hurt even though I told him I would never hurt him. I know he broke my heart but I still feel like I could love him forever if he wanted me to. I listen to certain songs and they make me think of him and then I wonder if he ever thinks of me too.

Love is such a scary thing. I just hope I never get hurt like this again. I don't think I'd survive it again. This seriously sucks because I was doing just fine and then he had to try and reach out to me and now I'm back to feeling down, depressed and lonely.

Time for work