Flaw of the Mind in Phoenix Rises Again

Communication.
Communication.
Something I seem to be failing at.
I’ve been told from the very beginning.
Need to work on this.
Need to do it better.
ADHD.
Emotional instability.
I’m sick of my own excuses.
But now the how.
Is still a mystery to me.
What is it Im doing wrong?

Always a feeling.
Failing to communicate.
Failing to friend correctly.
Failing to human?
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
But I feel it,
In my bones,
Something I’m not doing correctly.

Why is it,
I can understand so much.
All the high scores.
But this?
I don’t understand.
Basic human function.
Communication.
Social expectation.

Set apart?
Or maybe an adeled brain making excuses.
The divine?
Or a convenient explanation.
For just more things,
I dont understand.

Want to continue believing.
The devil is in the machine.
Trying to trick me.
I was not wrong.
It is not a sickness.

This.
This feeling.
Inadequacy, doubt, fear.
It is the sickness.
Need to take my medicine.

And reconnect.

With I AM.

He IS.

That’s all I need.
Right now.

So now,
How to fix me?
How to be better?
How to.
Human?

Communication.
There is only so much data.
Exhausted.
Need reprieve.
Need.
Silent communication.
That I can understand.

Eye contact.
Arms around me.
A kiss on the head?
Something to hold.
A connection.
A reassurance.

Time needs to move forward again,
For me.
Can’t stay stuck.
But how?

Closure is not guaranteed.
And I dislike closing anyway.
Continuation is what I crave.
Immaterial,
Unlikely,
Unattainable.

Show me how.
Take my hands
And show me the way of it.
To keep going.
To focus on something more.
To progress.

Sick of fighting.
Want to fly
Not fight.
Want to go forward
As planned
For once!

Anxious.

Muddy.

Must rest.
Always trying.
Trying too hard.
What else could I do?

I try,
I fight,
I LIVE.
someday I’ll now what for.