Rittenhouse Acquitted in Journal

As I scroll, I find that some people are celebrating joyously and some people are wishing death and destruction upon others.
Idk. I’d rather hang out with people who are celebrating than angry and homicidal. Just sayin’.

I am settling into a new groove. I realize that I have been infected with my mother’s entitled attitude. The first step is identifying it. I recognize it as a problem, and I want to fix it, but I am not overwhelmed with guilt or shame. I view it more as a challenge that I can choose to rise to. Or not. Having an attitude is not a moral problem. It is, however, a problem of consistency and virtue.

Talked to my therapist about any possible childhood sexual assaults or abuse. She thinks it’s likely, but not necessary to verify. So we’ll proceed with symptoms alone.

DH wants to hang out with his parents and for us to get along. The idea makes me angry. It’s partially because… they treated me like shit over the last 2 years. But… it’s worse than that. It’s that they’ve treated DH one thousand times worse over his entire life. And I’m ashamed that I haven’t stood up for him earlier.
It is so hard to set boundaries with your own parents. I know. Boy do I ever know. It’s my job to look out for DH’s best interest and happiness; to ensure he is treated with respect and love by the people that he cannot himself influence or himself effectively stand up to. It’s my job to stand the line… I can’t prevent DH from doing whatever he wants, which if he wants to see his parents without or before confronting them about their abuse, then I will simply tell him that I don’t support it. I won’t go. If and until a discussion is had about their abuse, their ignorance or cover-up of that abuse, and an effective restitution is offered, I will not pretend that it didn’t happen. I will not smile and be friendly, I will not greet them cordially, I will not forget the suffering they’ve caused him. Pretending like abuse didn’t happen is just a way to perpetuate that abuse.
My therapist says that I am making DH’s life better. He is happier. He is less stressed. He is open and talkative. He is no longer a workaholic. He is no longer depressed. He spontaneously praises me. He thanks me for being his wife and mother of his child. I feel that these are the most gracious compliments I may ever receive. I am so happy and content to work hard to improve his life, and by extension our life together.

I had a very interesting dream and insight last night. After watching Kevin Samuels. A gentleman and hero. The dream was, maybe, a bit vain, so I’ll not be publishing it publicly. I am after all, female, and highly agreeable. I prefer not to attract contentious ridicule.