Les Miserable in Current Events

The drive to work yesterday was absolute hell. Our first snowfall was a blizzard. Nothing was cleared yet. It took me ten minutes to get out of my parking lot and I was naive enough to think that the roads were going to be better. Larger vehicles with their 4x4 think they have more control than they do. I was almost ran off the road twice. Watched a pickup truck cut a woman off and she slid into the ditch. The guy in the pickup truck just sped off. They think they rule the roads.

When I got to work, I was asking myself if it was worth going in. I was so flustered from the drive. The first bay I clock my time into I see a pair of gloves that we are selling, apparently, just as I was telling myself that I need a pair. I would have been out of luck if I got stranded or worse. Then as I was wondering what life would be like if I was a person who had winter tires. People can just afford two sets of tires? Brenda offered me her winter tires from her old car which was the same as mine. The four tires and the rims for $140? Deal! Later in the evening my mother offered me her old laptop when I asked her if she had a copy of a newer windows. It’s better than what I am dealing with currently. What a wizard day.

Then I get home and Toni spent the day cleaning. Everything! She also made a vegan meatloaf which was ready to go. It was delicious.

I noticed yesterday evening that I have been unable to focus. I can’t keep my attention on anything. I am just keeping myself radically distracted and I need to stop. I need to become goal oriented again. All I seem to want to do is nothing. Just surrender to tiredness. Which I do, between 7:30-8:30 I’m like “goodbye cruel world” the moment I feel too drowsy and I just go to bed. I have a 4:30am start anyway.

Today I picked up a shift. My team doesn’t work evenings, weekends, and stats but we are offered overtime twice a year. We are offered an extra shift at the beginning of the summer and the again during the Black Friday sales. We are just there to fluff and stuff the shelves while the store associates focus on customers. It was a good shift. Tally was the only other one from my team to sign up for it. It’s nice to work without strings attached. We got to do all the things we never have time for. We did the tasks that we wish could be done to make our lives easier.

Yesterday, a nurse came to give flu shots. I can’t count the amount of times I declined it. Everybody was just trying to peer pressure me. I’m a medical heretic, we know that but they don’t all know that. I’m not participating in their medical religion. They’re all radicalized fundamentalists too committed to see what’s staring them right in the face. The doctors create their disease to push drugs for Big Pharma. They all signed up to get the flu, which is just a detox. Now they have something to detox. They’ll go running to their medical priests for petro-potions to make the symptoms stop. Which makes things way worse.

My drive home today was awful. It’s another blizzard. I don’t have the patience for the construction on the bridge I need to cross. It’s so bad and I’m so done. Took me an hour to get home. Usually it’s 20 minutes but I backtracked to take a different bridge. I’m ready to tell Linda, the coworker I carpool, to bus home so I can take a different route home.

My mood is so bad this evening. My computer is fucked up again. I have to type this from my iPad which sucks. I’m pissed off that I can’t afford to repair it. My mattress is fucked, I need a new one. My eczema is acting up, Toni has been doing the cooking the last few days and my body can not handle that much lentils so my stomach is miserable. I’m miserable. I’m frustrated that I’m frustrated. I’m tired of being tired, I spent all of my day off on Thursday in bed. Napping off and on. I absolutely require a day alone before I explode. Toni works tomorrow and I’m already impatient with how long it’s taking her to leave. I just want to feel content, not have to be mindful of anyone. I just want to sit at my computer, write about stuff, watch presentations about the esoteric sciences and window shop and go over my budget etc. look for a second gig. Just do stuff for me without feeling like someone else is in the room. I could throw this iPad I’m so angry that I am not alone in the world right now. I can’t stomach being around people 24/7. Toni, I love her but she needs to go away once in a while. Fuck!

First world problems, I know! That’s why I’m so frustrated. I had nothing last year. This year is going far better. I don’t have the patience to slowly fix my shit. Toni asked me to buy a shovel. I need one for my parking spot and she wants it for the balcony. Like, I literally supply absolutely everything. I’m a fucking supply chain over here. I swear to god I am going to rip the skin off of my hands if it doesn’t stop itching.

Ok, I vented now I need to punch a hole in the wall or something.

Last updated November 13, 2021