Fucking Tired of Life in Thirty-Six

I am. I’m just tired. So much shit going wrong. I just don’t even know where to fucking begin to unravel everything.

And yet again I’m being fucking pitted against my family member and my husband and I’m NOT going to have it.

Nobody has ONCE asked me how I feel about all of this bullshit that is my life. Not one single person has asked if I’m doing OK mentally. Because I’m not.

Right now this is my mind:

Things are OK
We are in a good place
I’m a failure and causing everyone else to fail around me.
Things would be better if randy moved back to AZ and I jumped off a cliff.
This is all my fault because I’m the one who brought us here.
Why am I even alive when my life doesn’t meant anything anymore.
Why does randy stay with me since I’m such a burden.

I’m supposed to be the strong one. And nobody gives a flying fuck about me. So I have no outlet, no escape from anything because I can handle it all right? Apparently so.

We were going to celebrate our anniversary tomorrow but I’m going to cancel that. We were going to take pictures. But what’s the point.

Life is a fucking joke right now and everyone is laughing at me.