On parenthood in --

When you’re a child the holidays are fun and special. They feel exciting and magical, especially on Halloween when the anticipation of evening grows and grows (after you’ve put on your costume early) until you’re finally out the door and searching for illuminated porch lights.

Your place on the stage moves when you’ve grown to be a parent. You are the stagehand, the behind-the-scenes that makes everything work. Maybe the mystery and some of the magic has worn off since those childhood holidays and the effort that Holiday work demands. But the excitement still lives.

The children won’t remember every detail of every holiday we have. But they’ll remember us watching The Nightmare Before Christmas every year, the post trick-or-treating hot cocoa, and the special Halloween food. They’ll remember me letting them stay up just a bit later than their normal bedtime. They’ll remember that we carved and painted pumpkins, even if the designs don’t make it into their long-term memory storage.

Parenthood isn’t perfect or easy, and I certainly don’t recommend it for those who don’t want to be metaphorical stagehands. I’m exhausted. But I love the holidays so much more now that I have kids (even though I also did love them before, even as an adult pre-kids).

I remember a time when my older two were babies, and not even two years apart in age, where I wondered if I’d made a mistake because I was always so worn down, and never had rest or time. I didn’t enjoy being a mom. As we’re all getting older I’ve come to realize it was lack of sleep, lack of meaningful support, and lack of stability in my relationships and career that made parenthood more difficult. It’s much easier when you’re getting sleep, on the right meds, not in a bad marriage, and everything else in life is going smoothly. I enjoy it more than ever now. New parents: if you feel bad when people tell you to enjoy it while they’re little, you don’t have to listen. You will miss their precious baby noises, their milestones, and how exciting it was to hear them say “mama” for the first time. But I think it’s just more enjoyable to interact with a kid who is their own person in their own right. Babies are too, of course, but it’s different. I don’t think anyone should feel bad for not particularly enjoying the baby stage, a good bit of it is just hard and I say this as a certified Baby Obsessed Person.

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, especially because we can see people this year. I dearly wished my twin lived closer. I’m hosting Thanksgiving and it’ll be my first time cooking all of that myself. I’m kind of looking forward to it, even though it is going to be a lot of work. I think I low-key enjoy making the magic happen.