just frustrated in Second 1st

I don’t want to FEEL better I want to BE better. I’ve thought at least 3 times this week about talking to a disability lawyer. Barometric pressure is a bitch. I shouldn’t feel dizzy and nauseas just because it’s raining. I shouldn’t have to watch my salt intake all week just to have it go out the window anyway because it’s drizzling. I’m so tired of it. who the hell gets up at 3 am because they know they have to chase a migraine down before work at 6:30.

It was a quiet week. I’d had to call out on the OT Monday because apparently what I’d done Sunday was too much.... I suspected as much when I left work dizzy on Sunday. I was lethargic most of the week and when I wasn’t I was doing the things that needed to be done. (groceries, dishes, laundry)

I’d made a fair chunk on MTurk Tuesday and it covers the $10 goal on non work days and $1 goal on workdays until the coming Wednesday. So I did use some of the earned time playing Stardew Valley.

My head hurts again today. I can call out, FMLA will have me covered. I can go back to bed, or sit in the living room with the lights out. I’ve taken 1 of the 2 pills I can.... and will take the other after I eat. Hopeful that it will magically make it go away so I can go to work.... but I doubt it. What I’ve learned about the pills/myself is that if the cause is not removed they will do nothing. For example if I went to work and it started because the machine is loud..... after I decide and take the med… if I don’t also put in ear plugs … it’s not going to work.... So today, unless the rain stops, unless the pressure goes back up, it’s not likely to work. Though a nap might help dull it .... it’s not likely to work either.

I’m so sick of this, it’s so frustrating, this is not me, this isn’t who I am. I’m a worker, I’m determined, I get shit done, I’m productive for the most part..... I mean my hobbies include reselling items and working on MTurk to make extra cash that’s extremely flexible…I hate this.... I feel lazy and useless.... I’m slow.... I WANT to throw up.... maybe I’d feel better… the noise in my ear is so loud.... I honestly understand Van Gogh cutting his ear off. I just want it to stop....