I demand a trial by combat in A new beginnging.

Starting something new after 11 years of "comfort" is clearly a little difficult. I have thought about finally making a start on here, but when I did try to type out of words, it just always got paused for later. OD was my best friend. It was the perfect, unrealistic best friend. No judging, always there when you needed it, didn't interrupt, welcomed you back with open arms even after a long time away.

It kept my secrets.

And now, like many others, I was forced to move on. To start over.

I remember being younger and I would start a new diary, for no reason mind you, and I would always do a whole entry about 'me' Well, I am all grown up now and I realize that it doesn't matter what. My 'about me' on this site starts right here.

I had a bit of a pattern on OD. I would write when something happened, good or bad, or when I could sense something was about to happen. One thing I will share is that I get excited easily. I get my hopes up easily. In the past year, I have dabbled in more dating then I had in my entire life. Dating is a roller coaster. Right? For me it is.

That climb.

The building of nerves, excitement, hopes...it creeps higher and higher. Then you think you know what is coming next. You think, hey, the climb is the hardest part..."it's all downhill from here"

But then your stomach falls out of your butt. You feel like you got punched right in that spot. You want to punch a wall, scream and cry all at the same time. You want to just be able to put your hands in the air.

Maybe there were just no sparks.

Maybe the timing wasn't right.

Maybe your gut told you something.

Maybe you finally learned to listen to it.

C-H-E-A-T-I-N-G Something pops into your head when you read that word. It isn't the same as when pops into my head. Just like what pops into my head is different than what pops into the guy who is running in front of my houses head.

T-R-U-S-T Again, to each their own with that word as well.

Where has time gone? It feels like yesterday that I was writing about Joey. About that weekend. hope hope excitement BOOM The fall happened. The day I met Joey, I was supposed to go on a date the next day with Nate. A first date. After I met Joey I told Nate that I was sorry, but I had met someone suddenly, that it came out of nowhere, and that I wanted to see where it took me. That was Nate. Joey came and went. Just as Steve would, just as Sam would. However, Joey was different. It was a short burst of time, but Joey was a rush. A high. He was a charmer, and he knew it. Steve just fizzled out. Sam will always be a confusion.

Tomorrow, almost a year later, Nate and I are having that first date. I keep going through blips of time where I will be consumed with excitement, and others where I will convince myself not to go. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going.

Will this mark a streak of updates from me? The climb begins